Christmas tells ALL!
by Animanizanny
Summary: Title says it all.You ask any cast member of the Santa Clause a question,and they'll answer it!Details inside.Warning...it's gonna be good.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello to everyone who is as intrigued as I am to see how this will go. I decided to give this a try in this fanfiction universe since it is a huge success in the Animaniacs world. Speaking of, I got this idea from a very talented writer, Unidentified- flying- otter. I hope you enjoy this if you are reading UFO! Anyways, the idea is simple. You ask a question in the reviews for a cast member, be it magical or not, and they will answer. Sounds cool right? I will attempt to answer all questions ASAP. And also, keep all questions PG at most okay? That's all I can say so here it is. May you have a very merry time asking your questions. **


	2. Our first question

Hello lovely people of Elfsburg and beyond! Today we're playing a game called Christmas Tells ALL! I will be your host. Let's bring out our first question. This is from **keacdragon.** They ask hmmm…hey I'm the first reviewer! Bernard: why aren't you a fun loving elf like everyone else?

That is actually a very good question. And to answer that question, can we get Bernard on set here please? Ah here he comes now. Hello Bernard.

Bernard: What am I doing here?

You're on a game show and you've been asked the first question. Do you feel special?

Bernard: No not really. Can I get back to work now? As grumpy as ever. Which bring us to our first question. Bernard, why aren't you as fun loving as the other elves?

Bernard: I'm the head elf for tinsel's sake! I have to do more work than any fun loving elf could manage. You don't seem to understand the kind of pressure I'm under. I don't even have time for fun!

Okaaaaay. Well Bernard needs a chill pill and we need more questions so review please. Say goodbye Bernard!

Bernard: Yep goodbye.


	3. Yeah more questions!

Hello again! I'm back with our next question in our show, Christmas Tells ALL! Today I have Curtis and Bernard with me. Say hello fellas.

Bernard: Hi there

Curtis: It's great to see someone actually wants to know something about me! But why is Bernard here if this is my question?

Oh you'll see. (He doesn't know…this is gonna be fun!)

Our next question is from **keacdragon **again. What a great person or monkey or dog or who knows right? Either way you rock!

Bernard: May I ask if you are on some form of medication?

Yes you can ask. I'm not answering though. Before we get to our question, Curtis I have a little question for you. How do you feel about Bernard?

Curtis: Uh….

Bernard: Go ahead Curtis. How do you really feel about me…and your job?

Curtis: I respect him…somewhat…

Bernard: Uh huh. Riiiiight.

Okay now that I know where we stand here, let's get to our question. **keacdragon asks 'Wow! You've captured Bernard in a bad moon perfectly! Hmm? How about:**

**Curtis: What is your favorite thing to do to make Bernard mad?'**

**So what do you say Curtis? Got an answer for us?**

**Curtis: Why would you as me that with him right here?**

**Because I wanted a good laugh**

**Bernard: Come on Curtis. I'm sure it's not so bad to be unemployed. **

**Curtis: I um…..**

**Okay this is getting ridiculous. Bernard, I'm going to have to ask you to leave for 2 minutes. **

**Bernard: Why so he can talk about me behind my back?**

**(I whisper in his ear) Hide behind the stage curtain.**

**Bernard: Oh well I guess I had better go.**

**Curtis: Few! He's gone!**

**Yep…Now answer the question.**

**Curtis: My absolute favorite thing to do to make Bernard mad is to suck up to Santa. He can't stand it! I personally think he's just jealous of me.**

**Is that so? What else would you care to say?**

**Curtis: I'm also going to take his job someday permanently and that's why he's so afraid of me.**

**Bernard: Afraid of you am I? Let's go see how AFRAID I am of you Curtis!**

**Curtis: Oh FROSTBITE! You weren't supposed to be here!**

**Okay well that's all for today. This is Animanizanny and Curtis and Bernard saying thanks again and bring on the questions! Say goodbye boys.**

**Curtis: AHHHH he's gonna KILL me!**


	4. Bernard sure is popular!

Hello again and welcome to another lovely chapter of Christmas Tells ALL! I'm your host and here today we have Bernard AGAIN! Wow Bernard you sure are popular!

Bernard: Thanks…but I'd really just like to get back to work.

Of course you would. But too bad. Our question is from **Rosebud5. **She asks: I have one for Bernard! First off, let me just say that you are totally awesome, Bernard. You have the hardest job at the Pole and do it PERFECTLY! So what I wanna know is how you became Head Elf? Ohhh, can I ask two questions? Hehe well I'm doin it anyway. Where's your family? I hope that didn't stir any bad memories or something, but I'd like to know! Your friend, Rosey.

Well isn't that sweet Bernard? Well go ahead and answer one of your adoring fans.

Bernard: Well um, Rosey is it? Well Rosey, I became head elf when I graduated Elfsburg academy as top of my class. The Santa of that time thought I had excellent work ethics and saw me as a bright elf. So he made me his intern and I slowly worked up to my very satisfying career as head elf. As for the question of my family, my parents live in the human world living out their eternal years on the sandy beaches of Hawaii. I'm an only child and I'm not married. Thanks for asking by the way.

Well there you have it. So…you're single huh?

Bernard: Um….

Well I guess that wraps up our show. As you can plainly see, our segments are painfully short so please ask more questions okay? Until next time, I'm Animanizanny, and this is Christmas Tells ALL!

Bernard: Goodnight!

That's the spirit!


	5. FAN WAR

Hello everyone and welcome to another segment of Christmas Tells ALL! Here with me today are Bernard (again), and the always fantastic Jack Frost. Great to have you with us for the first time Jack.

Jack: And it's a pleasure to be recognized. I adore my loving fans.

Well it's nice to see some enthusiasm here for once.

Bernard: Hey!

Anyways, let's bring out the questions. Our first question is from **Rosebud5** again. They ask: Thanks so much Bernard! I'm so glad you could answer my questions! May I ask another? Can elves get sick? If so, how sick have you ever been? I have a sore throat and HATE it and am just wondering... If I was an elf, would I not have to worry about things like sore throats? 'Cause that would be the life! Your friend and fan, Rosey. Jack: Gag!

Bernard: Ignoring that. Hi again Rosey. Yes, elves can get sick but not nearly as often as humans do. Living at the north pole makes us pretty much immune to things like colds and the flu although it is still possible to get a sore throat. I'm sorry but even an elf's life isn't perfect. As for my worst illness, I'd have to say when I got the measles back in the year 1905. That was painful. Especially since I had to take a week off of work to heal.

Jack: Yes, yes we all know you are a workaholic. Can we get on with this?

Bernard: You know, I'm glad I didn't have to work with you in the Santa Clause 3.

Jack: Same goes for you sparkle cheeks.

Boys! Yeesh. Okay Jack, it's time for your question. This is from **Anna**. They ask: Hey, I have some questions for Jack Frost. I see Bernard is very popular on here, but I must say I prefer Jack. So, Jack, what's it like to be able to freeze things? After the Escape Clause incident, did you go back to your icy look or did you get stuck being unfrozen? I prefer the icy look. The 'freeze dried' hair was epic. I'm guessing you kept your job, but correct me if that's not right. Here's the big question: Are you single? Okay. That's all the questions for now.

Awesome questions. I have to say I'm curious myself Jack. Tell us.

Jack: Well lovely Anna, I must tell you that being able to freeze things is definitely the most amazing power in the world and I'm sure that anyone would wish to have it. As for my hair, I only went with the "melted" look for my big scene in the movie. Personally I can't stand my hair without it's icy spike. It's just who I am. And of COURSE I kept my job! Who wouldn't want to be Jack Frost even if I'm under-appreciated? It's a job worth the poor credit. And as for being single…well, why don't you just give me a call sometime and ask me in person sweetheart?

Jack you're gonna scare off the fans!

Jack: What? I can't help being devilishly handsome. My fans ADORE me!

Bernard: I hope you set up censors if he's coming back.

Well that all depends if the fans want him back. It's all about them. And you guys are the slaves who do as they say! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Jack: You're weirder than those pointy eared elves.

Bernard: Excuse me?

Well before this turns into a fight, let's cut short. But hey, just for fun why don't you guys tell me in the reviews who has more fans. Bernard or Jack Frost? I'd like to see how many fans each of you guys have.

Bernard: That isn't necessary.

Jack: Absolutely not! I'd win hands down. We wouldn't want to see Bernard cry now would we?

Bernard: You're asking for it slushy man.

Well what do you say? Send a big shout out to your favorite and I'll post the results when I get 10 shout outs. Who wins the fan war? I'll still be answering questions regularly too so don't forget to ask them. This is Animanizanny on Christmas Tells ALL! Goodnight everybody!


	6. Craziness and Randomness

Hello again! It's great to see our questions growing more and more fascinating! And harder for our cast to answer. Speaking of, today we have the always fantastic Scott Calvin aka Santa Claus, the over-working but unbearably gorgeous Bernard, the cool, crafty, and charming Jack Frost, the rocking humans Charlie and Neil, magical Father Time …and Curtis.

Curtis: Hey!

What?

Curtis: Don't I get a cool introduction?

Nope. You'd have to be cool for that. But hey, maybe in this chapter you can redeem yourself by having some really cool answers. Let's get this show on the road with our first questions. **keacdragon **asks: Ooh oh! I have a few good ones (by the way this story rocks!) Bernard/Jack/Curtis: if the three of you could duel it out for supremacy, what would be your battle of choice to win? (each of you can had a different answer and please explain why! Scott/Santa: Do you ever get vacation time? And how do you cope with Bernard/Curtis/Jack fighting? Charlie: Who is your favorite elf?

Wow this person monkey dog is GENIUS! I love my job! So boys, let's get started. Jack Frost, you seem pretty sadistic so why don't you start us off?

Jack: I would be honored. Well keacdragon, before I say, let me just state that for the record, I am the ultimate form of magic and no one can beat me so this entire question is moot.

Scott: Get on with it Frost.

Jack: Excuse me but is this YOUR question? No. Well as I was saying, I would send these 2 fools to the middle of Antarctica where they will rely on nothing but their quick wits(as if they had any) and fight in an ice arena against killer polar bears where the one who is left alive shall take on me and my awesome powers of snow and ice until they crumble to the ground in frozen defeat. My reasons are obvious. I'm Jack Frost and I always loved a good dramatic scene.

Wow. That is killer. What do you 2 say about that?

Bernard:…O.o

Okay. Curtis? Where's Curtis?

Bernard: Under the table.

Curtis: (Seen peeking out from under table) I think I just had an accident.

Okay this is pathetic. While Curtis cleans himself up would you like to share Bernard?

Bernard: I'd rather not.

Let me clarify. When I said 'would you like to share', I meant you will tell us or I will kill you.

Bernard: So much for unbearably gorgeous.

Oh don't take it too hard. I just have a problem with not getting my way.

Bernard: Santa? Do I really have to do this?

Santa: Sorry Bernard I'm afraid so. Her Christmas present this year was a contract allowing her to run this show. You're her slave.

That's right Bernie. Listen to the jolly man and tell us. (Slave…I like the sound of that!)

Bernard: (Sigh) Alright fine. Since I'm in the presence of the 2 life forms that annoy me more than anything in the world, I'll share. If I had to duel it out with Jack Frost and Curtis, I would choose a Medieval theme and fight them to the end in a jousting tournament.

Sweet. Can you explain why?

Bernard: Sure. I was born sometime during the Middle Ages and feel my ties are still there. Also I am uniquely skilled on a horse and even though Frosty here has "almighty powers", he couldn't ride a horse to save his life I'm sure. I really don't even have to speak for Curtis do I?

Well see that wasn't so bad. Really cool answer too by the way. Okay Curtis, how would you fight these 2 for supremacy?

Curtis: Well to fight Bernard I'd compete with him in the Head Elf games.

What are the Head Elf games?

Curtis: Something I came up with myself. It's where we both do head elf tasks and when I win, I'd become head elf!

That's lovely Curtis. Now what about Jack Frost?

Curtis: Well….I don't know….a snowball fight?

(Everyone balks)

Curtis: What?

Jack: (laughing) You're saying you would fight the CREATOR of winter in a SNOWBALL fight?

Curtis: uh huh

Wow you just dug your own grave. What made you think of that?

Curtis: I don't know. Maybe it would be the least painful?

Ouch. Well this whole question has been very informing so far, which brings us to our next question. Scott/Santa, how do you cope with this?

Scott: I take lots of painkillers. But really, this is all ridiculous. Everyone has unique talents and we shouldn't pin people against each other.

We shouldn't…but it's fun. And do you get vacation time?

Scott: Yes I do. Every Christmas when I return from delivering the presents the misses and I take a 3 month vacation to anywhere she prefers. It's our little break from the stresses of the work environment. If I didn't get a vacation, I might crack.

That is understandable. I know I couldn't do your job. By the way thanks for letting me run this show as my Christmas present this year.

Scott: Your welcome. (Where are those painkillers?)

Okay and our next question is for Charlie. How's it going Charlie?

Charlie: Great! I'm really glad to be here.

That's great. Our question for you is who is your favorite elf?

Charlie: Well I don't really like to single anyone out but I guess that's the theme here isn't it?

Correct! Ain't he smart?

Charlie: Well I guess I'll say Bernard because he gave me the snow globe when I first came to the north pole and made me believe in Christmas again. He's like an older brother. A REALLY older brother.

Bernard: Aw thanks Charlie. I appreciate it.

Well that was an unexpected heart felt moment in our otherwise completely humiliating and pointless segment. Nice job. Our next question is from **Anna **again. **Anna **asks: My favorite is definitely Jack Frost. Why choose the workaholic one over the skillful and delicious one? Anyways, thanks for answering my questions, Jack. It's awesome to know you kept the icy appearance, and are still keeping things cool. I'd call you and ask, but I seem to be lacking your number. I have some more questions. To Scott, why are you so stupid? I mean, your wife was going through a difficult time and you were like, "Ooh! A duck! It speaks multiple languages!" To Father Time, why are you so grumpy? Is it because you can manipulate time, but not grow hair? To Neil, is your theme song 'White and Nerdy' by Weird Al? I think it is. To Jack, may I give you a hug? Well, that's it for now.

Jack: My people.

Yes, well Scott, would you like to answer? Why ARE you so stupid?

Scott: I honestly never intended to hurt Carol's feelings but I understand now what I did was wrong. It cost me everything to realize I wasn't caring for the more important things in my life. But now that I've realized my fault, Carol and I have become stronger as a whole.

Everyone: Awwwww

Okay. And here we have Father Time. Hello Father Time, it's great to have you.

Father Time: What was that?

I said it's great to have you!

Father Time: Huh?

Oh forget it. Can we get a megaphone in here? So Father Time, why are you so grumpy? Is it because you lack hair?

Father Time: I'm not really that grumpy am I?

Well…

Father Time: For crying out loud! You try being the oldest man in the world and being happy! My wrinkles have wrinkles. And yes maybe I'm a little upset I'm going bald but I heard of this nifty little wig store that I just might try out.

Well I'm glad for your discovery. Thanks for coming out today.

Father Time: What?

See it's a running gag I think we got that now. Okay Neil, welcome to the show. How's it going?

Neil: Oh just fine. Thank you.

That's nice. Your question is quite interesting. Is your theme song 'White and Nerdy' by Weird Al?

Neil: Well personally I prefer classical music. But I do enjoy Weird Al's song 'Eat it'. My patients like it too.

Well that's Neil for ya.

Neil: Thanks. And here's my card.

Hey I don't need therapy! Whatever. Our last question if for Jack. Jack, can **Anna **give you a hug?

Jack: Well only if you beg. I'm not gonna be melted again anyways.

Well that's all our questions for this time. As an update on the fan war poll, Bernard has one shout out from **Rosebud5**, and Jack has one from **Anna. Keep up the votes but please only one vote per person. Sorry but it's not fair to others. So keep voting and please ask away with your question. It makes my day. Well good bye and see you real soon! **


	7. Truth or Dare?

Hi! Guess who's back?

Everyone: Oh no!

Oh yes. And shut up! I haven't even introduced you yet. Okay let's get started. This is Animanizanny, and welcome to Christmas Tells ALL! Today we have Charlie, Carol, Lucy, Neil, Bernard, Scott, and Jack. How are we all doing today?

Everyone: …

Wow. This is dull. Good thing I have a special surprise. But first, FAN WAR UPDATE! We now have a new addition to the fan war from **keacdragon**. Their shout out goes to Charlie!

Charlie: Wow awesome! Thanks!

Yep. I'm changing the rules up too. The first character to reach 5 different shout outs will win. Only one shout out per person and you can add a cast member if you wish. So far we have 1 for Bernard, 1 for Jack Frost, and 1 for Charlie. Keep it up. Now before we get to questions, I have a cool new segment on our show called Truth or Dare: Christmas edition. You give a cast member a truth or dare, your choice and they will either answer or do it. Please no nudity, sex, drugs, or brutal violence. (Unless it's really funny.) It will be part of this fanfic so don't worry about finding the separate story . I know Truth is pretty much like our questions but I'll keep them separate. Alright enough yakking, on with the questions! **keacdragon **asks: I love you Charlie! There, now there's three in the fan war poll thing...Ok...question...question...hmmmmmmmmmm!Carol! : How do you like living in the North pole?Lucy: What's it like having you're "uncle" as Santa Claus?

Good questions. Mrs. Clause how do you like the north pole?

Carol: Well it's definitely different from my old life. In some ways it's very good such as the elves are very nice. But it has it's down sides too.

Like?

Carol: Like that I've grown out of 3 dress sizes since I moved here. It's hard keeping a girlish figure when you live on cocoa and cookies. But like I said, I wouldn't move back for the world.

Well that's nice. And Lucy?

Lucy: I absolutely LOVE that uncle Scott is Santa! I get my toy requests early and I can ALWAYS guarantee that I get what I want for Christmas. After all, I've never been on the naughty list.

Alright cool. Now on to our next questions. These are from **Anna** again. They ask: So Charlie's been added to the fan war? Well, I must say I like him way better than Bernard. Neil, you know your theme song is 'White and Nerdy'. You are definitely geeky, but not in a cool way. I think only Dr. Spencer Reid can pull that off. Bernard, you really are annoying. Have you though about taking a trip to Springwood, Ohio? I have a buddy down there, and he'd love to meet you. Scott, have you met my friend? His name's Freddy. I'm definitely sure he is on the naughty. As my favorite guy says, "Naughty list people have more fun." Jack, I don't have magical hugs like Lucy. You don't worry about unfreezing or anything. So, may I please, please, please hug you?

Wow you gotta love the fans. Okay on to the answers. Neil, I know this isn't technically a question but I have a feeling this person won't stop until you admit.

Neil: Okay! I admit it! I love the song 'White and Nerdy'! I keep it a secret so my patients won't be terrified. Just keep it a secret okay?

Um…okay? Next question.

Bernard: Honestly, I don't expect everyone in the whole world to love me and if you think I'm annoying that's your opinion. And as for your question, I will NOT move to Springwood, Ohio so just tell your buddy I send my apologizes.

And Santa? Have you met Freddy?

Scott: Freddy…hmmmm. OH! Do you mean Freddy Krueger? Then yes, I have had a little talk with Freddy about his behavior. If you don't mean him, I probably know your friend too. As you already know, the world has many Freddy's.

Alright this is getting way off topic. To close us up, Jack?

Jack: Sure why not? Give me some sugar baby!

Bernard: Again, I strongly suggest a censor.

Jack: Stay out of this you little midget.

Oh to see men fight like boys. It makes my day. Alright so send your questions, and truths or dares too! Also don't forget to add your vote for best cast member,(that is if you're not too chicken.) Hurry or Freddy Krueger's coming after you! I'm just kidding. Maybe… Anyways thanks and enjoy! Bye!


	8. Poor Neil

Howdy y'all! And no I'm not southern but this IS Christmas Tells ALL! Sorry bout the delay on our next faboo segment. What can I say? I'm a busy host. Alright I'll shut my face and get this party rollin! Our first review comes from **Anne**. Hmm… weren't you **Anna** before? GASP! Are you a secret twin from the government agency? SWEET! Okay "**Anne**", let's get to your questions. **Anne** asks: *Smiles* Thanks for the hug, Jack. You're definitely the best Legendary Figure ever. Neil, it's nice of you to admit it. Bernard and Scott, I indeed referred to Freddy Krueger. Honestly, Scott, I obviously meant Freddy Krueger. That brings me yet again to my 'You Are Stupid' point. Well, I guess I should think of a question to ask, or something for Truth or Dare. I've got it! Neil, I dare you to sing 'White and Nerdy', while dancing. That's all I can think of for now

Ooo! Yeah! We have our first Dare! Alright Neil, get your overly sensitive butt over here!

Neil: Oh…alright. Make room please.

(Everyone backs up)

Neil: They see me mowin'My front lawnI know they're all thinkingI'm so White N' nerdyThink I'm just too white n' nerdyThink I'm just too white n' nerdyCan't you see I'm white n' nerdyLook at me I'm white n' nerdy!I wanna roll with-The gangstersBut so far they all thinkI'm too white n' nerdyThink I'm just too white n' nerdyThink I'm just too white n' nerdyI'm just too white n' nerdyReally, really white n' nerdy

(Weird Al Yankovic's song. Not Neil's. Sorry.)

Everyone: (Watching Neil)…O.o

Okay wow. That was weird. But hey, that's Weird Al for ya. Although he did it maybe a bit better. Nice try Neil.

Neil: I'm not afraid of my emotions! (Storms out in tears)

Awww. I feel sorta bad. I'll send a gift basket later. Anywho, on to our next question! **Swedish Fish. Not **asks: Wow. This looks entertaining. I love the Freddy Krueger reference. Anyways, I guess I should ask something or dare someone. By the way, I think Jack Frost is the best character. The other to are alright, but he's way cooler. Pun not intended...or was it? Okay, I have a question for Curtis. Why are you such a moron? I mean, you told Jack about the Hall of Snowglobes and how the Escape Clause worked. Do you hate Santa or something? Bernard, how did you react to the news that he did that? That's all the questions for now. I have a Robert Englund craving that needs to be taken care of. Nightmare Cafe, here I come!

Sweet we have another FAN WAR update! Congrats Jack. Now we have 2 for Jack, 1 for Bernard, and 1 for Charlie.

Jack: YES!

Curtis? Why are you such a moron?

Curtis: Hey! I am not a moron!

Bernard: Curtis you're stupider than a train with square wheels.

Curtis: Well at least I was there and not off on vacation!

Hey boys! Can SOMEONE finish this?

Curtis: Fine. I was just irritated with Jack Frost because he insulted my Head Elf skills! I worked my butt off for a Christmas as number 1 and he insults it!

So you show him the Escape Clause. Oh yeah THAT"LL show him.

Curtis: Well it certainly wasn't because I hate Santa.

Okay and Bernard? How did you react? (As if we don't already know)

Bernard: I was in an OUTRAGE! That little job thief takes my place and then threatens the entire existence of the north pole…AGAIN!

Okay easy sugar. We don't need any seizures while we're here today. Our last question today is from **Hotarukiryu**. They ask: Hello to everyone I would like to say jack your my favorite character out of everyone because your so mischievious. My first question is for you besides freezing people what other powers do you have? My second is for the tooth fairy (Molinator) how did you come up with your nickname? And lastly for Bernard, do you train the elves? I look forward to your answers.

Holy frostbite guess what?

Bernard: This show is canceled?

Curtis: I'm the new head elf?

No and shut up who asked you? I was going to say that Jack has another shout out!

Jack: What can I say? I'm adored by my people.

Yep. Now the results come to 3 for Jack, 1 for Bernard, and 1 for Charlie. The winner gets a super special surprise!

Jack: Money? Gold? Fame?

It's a surprise for the winner.

Jack: I'm obviously gonna win so you might as well hand it over.

It's not over till Santa sings. Okay Jack, what powers do you have?

Jack: I can create drastic snow storms, freeze the tropics, kill fruit, pretty much anything that relates to winter is all me. I also have the power of deliciousness.

Nice! Me too! Now our next question. Hello tooth fairy how are you today?

TF: Oh I'm great thanks for having me here.

Well it's always good to have fresh meat. Now why do you call yourself 'The Molenator'?

TF: Truthfully, it's because I love the movie the Terminator and one night I was flossing while I watched it and realized how manly and hygiene- friendly it would sound to kids.

You like the Terminator? Okay…Last question. Bernard?

Bernard: Yes I do train elves. Obviously it would be impossible for me to train every elf in the workplace seeing as there are so many. But certain elves with unique progress towards certain areas get special help from me.

Well that wraps up today's segment. Remember to read, review, Truth and Dare, and floss while watching the Terminator.

TF: Oh yeah!

Have a great time reading a buh bye!


	9. Out of control!

Hi there. Guess who's back? Oh boy do we have some flippin' craziness in this segment for you so you'd better tune in. Let's bring out our cast that I'm too lazy to introduce! Hi everyone.

Everyone: Hi!

Okay. Well since I just can't wait any longer, let's get started. Anyone as excited as I am?

Everyone: …Yeesh you people are dead. Okay let's go! **Snowkissa **asks: My favorite, Bernard. I know you're a LITTLE workaholic, and grumpy, but hey: you may just have the most stressful job in the world, I don't blame you! Besides, I know you're a sweet guy and you really care about your friends. You're awesome! Speaking of awesomeness, here's a question for Jack: I live in Finland, and LOVE winter (and you)! Could you give us a very snowy Christmas, like usual, please! Also, you're the spirit of Winter, but who are the spirit's of the other three seasons?" Also to Mother Nature: I LOVE your natural style! Would you have any nature's fashion tips for us mortal girls? AND Bernard, I dare you, show us your big heart, and give someone a hug for me! Thank you all!

Yeah Bernard! You get a shout out! Just to update all the silly people who haven't been keeping up, that makes Jack 3, Bernard 2, and Charlie 1. Alright!

Bernard: Feelin' the love.

Oh as you should be sweetie. Jack? What do you say? Can you give Finland another blustery winter for our fan? And what about the other seasons?

Jack: Hey if someone loves snow THAT much, I'd be the devil not to give it. As for the other seasons, Mother Nature rules, well, pretty much everything else. Curse you woman!

MN: I heard that Frost!

Jack: Ah frostbite!

Hey Mother Nature, great to see you! Now that I've got you here, can you share with the lovely ladies out there some fashion tips?

MN: Of course. The key is inner beauty. Go simple and let your colors shine. And the sun is good for you but too much definitely isn't. So don't overdo it.

Nice tip. No one wants to be a lobster. Trust me. And now on to our dare! Bernard has to give a hug. OOO! Hug me! Hug me!

Bernard: AHHH! (Runs around room before being pinned in a huge bear hug by me)

Bernard: Help. I can't breathe.

Yea! I love hugs! Happiness! Okay cutie, you're free to go…for now!

(Bernard runs away)

Okay more questions. **keacdragon** is back again! Hurray! Okay so here's the question: Cool! Aww come on Charlie! Win!Okay...question and dare...Oh! I dare Santa to NOT sing until Charlie wins the shout out!Questions:Charlie: What is your favorite band and music genre?Bernard: If Santa left the North Pole and you were fully in charge would you pummel curtis to a pulp the minute he stepped out of line?And last but not least...Bernard: In the first movie I have a feeling you were really upset with Scott/Santa for the year of craziness between the christmas Scott got the job and his first true christmas as Santa. This is a partial dare: Would you and Scott sit down with Neil to discuss your inner anger that has seemingly created a grudge and left you as the only "non-fun" elf in the movies and at the North Pole? Please! (can't be just a few sentences, Bernard truly express your feelings)Animanizanny! This is awesome! Keep up the good work! :):):):):)

Why thank you. It's always good to be appreciated. Okay Santa, no singing until Charlie wins you got that?

Santa: Yeah sure. That seems easy enough.

Yes, but what about Christmas carols?

Santa: NOOOOOO! Charlie win! Tomorrow we sing My Only Wish by Jessica Simpson! You know I love that song.

Charlie: Sorry dad.

Okay now on to the questions. Charlie, what's your favorite band and music genre?

Charlie: I don't have a favorite band but I like some metal.

Alright. And Bernard, would you pummel Curtis if you got the chance?

Bernard: Well I'd hope not but he would be strictly disciplined by cleaning the reindeer stables for the next century and a half. I'm generally a very non-violent elf.

What if he stole your job?

Bernard: Oh, then I'd kick the snot out of him.

Good to know my little gumdrop.

Bernard: (Shudders)

Alright now for our partial dare. I'm not exactly sure what that means but….Neil! Come take my place for a minute.

Neil: Sure. And by the way, thanks for the fruit basket.

Don't mention it. Santa, we need you also. Since I'm no good at psycho- analysis mumbo jumbo, Neil is the temporary "host", so-to-speak. But keep in mind he is NOT cuter than me!

Neil: Suuuuure.

Hey watch it white n' nerdy!

Neil: Since I'm much more mature than you, I'll ignore that. Now, Bernard I'm just going to ask some simple questions in a sick way of figuring out your inner psyche.

Bernard: Oh lord.

Santa: Is this necessary?

Neil: Absolutely. Now shush. Bernard?

Bernard: Hm?

Neil: What is it that makes you so angry?

Bernard: My work.

Neil: Good. Would you care to expand on that?

Bernard: Not really.

Neil: Fair enough. In the first movie when Scott first became Santa, what was the initial feeling you got upon hearing the news?

Bernard: Dread.

Neil: Why?

Bernard: Because it meant another sap to teach. Before this new guy came to the pole, we had gone through a good 5 Santas in 20 years! At least before he came around, all the other ones were eager to learn and fix what they had done. But not Scott. He decides it's okay to kill off another Santa and then leave the entire elf population to die! Believe it or not, I love and protect the elves as if they were my own children. Imagine having 100,000 kids to take care of. It's not easy. So yeah, I held a grudge against him but can you blame me? I may not be jolly but at least my morals are in the right place.

Santa: Well at least I came back eventually.

Bernard: Of course. After you were too fat and old-looking to live in society. Face it, you didn't like it here.

Santa: Wow I'm shocked Bernard. I never knew you felt this way.

Bernard: Yeah well…I do. I'm sorry to be disrespectful.

Santa: No. I'm glad to know how you really feel.

Hug! Hug! Hug!

Santa and Bernard: Uh, no.

Few! Good 'cause that would be awkward. I'm really touched. Is anyone else emotionally bonding right now? No? Okay. Our next question is from **Hotarukiryu **again! They ask:

Thank you guys. I have more questions though. This one is for the council of legendary figures, why is there no one to represent Halloween at your meetings, and if there is no one I'd like to try my hand at it. This is for everyone, if you could pick your own theme song what would it be. Bernard can I have a hug? Lastly I dare Jack to watch the Sailor Moon S movie. That's it for now.

Awesome questions. Okay Mother Nature, why don't you answer about Halloween?

MN: Truthfully we don't have a council member for Halloween. It was a holiday brought forth by a Celtic festival known as Samhain. The festival was to prepare for winter but also to blur the boundaries between the living and the dead. Masks and costumes were worn in an attempt to mimic or appease the lost souls. Eventually it found it's way to America and became a playful way for kids to rot their teeth. (Much to the Tooth Fairy's dislike.) So, again we do not have a member for Halloween so you may make one. But be warned that the Tooth Fairy will probably not like him/ her. Just an issue with 2 jobs clashing.

Well okay then. We were lucky enough to get an answer AND a history lesson. How wonderful. On to our next question. Just answer one at a time.

Curtis: Oh! Me first! Mine would be Rock Star by Nickleback because I AM a rock star!

Bernard: Mine would be My Wish by Rascal Flatts because I just like the song.

Santa: Jingle bell Rock for the obvious reason.

Charlie: Bad Reputation by Avril Lavigne. It just reminds me of when I spray painted the school. Dang that was fun!

Carol: Excuse me?

Charlie: I mean uh, I was very naughty and I regret it. (Not really.)

Mother Nature: I always loved the song Man! I Feel Like a Woman! By Shania Twain. It's so catchy!

Jack: Obviously I'm Too Sexy by Up. Because, well, I AM!

Carol: Listen by Beyonce. It's so beautiful.

Tooth Fairy: I'd make up my own. It would have lots of hygiene awareness and super hero action in the lyrics!

How interesting. Almost as interesting as watching paint dry. Alright now to our next question.

Bernard: Sure why not? I've already hugged Animanizanny and I doubt you hug quite as tightly.

It's called a "bear" hug for a reason! If I wanted to hug you gently, I'd give you a "kitten" hug. Okay Jack, watch the Sailor Moon S movie.

Jack: Okay…

A while later…

Jack: Wow. Just wow. I gotta say though, I could picture living beside a creature like Princess Snow Kaguya. What a hottie…so-to-speak. With her powers and mine, we could rule the world in ice! It's a shame that her plans failed.

Well nice that you could finally join us.

Jack: Well sorry but we can't all be hosts.

Yeah yeah hush up. Now on to our next questions. **Swedish **asks again: Haha. That was awesome. I dare Scott to go to Springwood and have a conversation with Freddy. I'm sorry, but my mind forced me to write it. I also dare Bernard and Curtis to have a rap battle. Once again, blame my mind.

Alright! Bye Santa!

Santa: (Gulp)

Ooo! Let's watch on my camera that I have conveniently set up in Springwood Ohio!

Jack: Why?

Because I like to watch towns with the most destruction and mass killers silly. Now shush.

In Springwood, Ohio…

Children: One, two, Freddy's coming for you. / Three, four, better lock your door. / Five, six, grab your crucifix. / Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. / Nine, ten, never sleep again.

Freddy: I love that song.

Santa: Hello Freddy.

Freddy: Why look. It's the man in red! What's the matter chubby? Come to warn me about my naughty streak? As you already know, it's much more fun being bad! (Waves his gloved and knifed hand)

Santa: I'm on a show and am trying to fulfill a kind fan's wishes by visiting you.

Freddy: Oh how sweet. Unfortunately, since I can't kill you, I must shove off. I have innocent children's minds to reap. Farewell my fat-weathered friend.

Back at the show…

Well that was nice. Okay. Santa will be back from his lovely visit very soon. I hope… Bernard, Curtis. Rap AWAY!

Curtis: You think you're cool but you're just not thinkin'. I work hard all day while eggnog you're drinkin'. I say yeah you say nah. I'm a fool you say? My turn to talk today! You got your looks well I got my books and one day soon I'm taking over the old folks. That means you fool!

Bernard: You're such a brat ain't that a fact? You talk all day and whine and rant. How much I gotta tell you son, I'm numba 1? So back off cause this is my turf son. This is my life and you just livin'. Be glad of the role you was given. Back off now before I'm mad! This is hard on you but hey, I'm glad!

Sweet! Okay. I don't even want to know where this came from! Next and final question. **Anna **asks: Oh, sorry. I was typing too fast and accidentally hit 'e' instead of 'a'. Because of my friend's begging, I dare the Sandman to kiss Mother Nature. I dare Curtis to dress like a chick and sing 'I Feel Pretty'. After that's done, I dare Scott and Neil to join him in singing the Matchmaker song. Well, I think that's all the craziness for now...

Aww. And here I was so hoping for a scandal on my story. Oh well **Anna**. Sandman, please kiss Mother Nature but I beg please man don't use tongue!

Sandman: I would never. Being so old I have SOME class I think.

(Kisses Mother Nature)

Everyone (Including disgusted host): EWWWWWWW!

Get a room! Okay Curtis. Slip on some stilettos and a cute pink skirt. It's time to sing!

Curtis: Why me?

You wanted to be important didn't you? I can just see the uploaded videos now!

Curtis: Fine, just to get this thing over with. I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity Any girl who isn't me tonight. I feel charming, Oh, so charming It's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty That I hardly can believe I'm real. See the pretty girl in that mirror there: Who can that attractive girl be? Such a pretty face, Such a pretty dress, Such a pretty smile, Such a pretty me! I feel stunning And entrancing, Feel like running and dancing for joy, For I'm loved By a pretty wonderful boy!

Wow you sound just like Maria! Good job. Scott, Neil, go sing with the pretty lady.

Curtis: Well, somebody has to arrange the matches,Young people can't decide these things : She might bring someone wonderful-Neil: Someone interesting-

Curtis: And well off-

Santa: And important-

All: Matchmaker, Matchmaker,Make me a match,Find me a find,catch me a catchMatchmaker, MatchmakerLook through your book,And make me a perfect match!

Oh beautiful! Encore, encore! I'm joking. Please don't sing anymore. Well that's it for this crazy messed-up segment. I hope you had all the rap war, Freddy Krueger, and feminine Curtis you could handle. (Heaven knows I certainly did.) Thanks for such creative ideas and bring on more! Buh bye!


	10. Lost for a title

Hello and welcome to Christmas Tells ALL! Today we have a very special segment. And what's so special about it?

Jack: I'm here?

Well yes but you're pretty much always here.

Jack: All the better.

Anyways, today is special because we got our 25th review! And seeing as this is a CHRISTMAS short, I certainly hope we all understand how important the number 25 is.

Bernard: Yes, yes we get it. Christmas is the 25th.

That's right. It also means we have one quarter of a 100 reviews. Once we reach 50 I'm throwing us a HUGE party! Whoop, whoop!

Charlie: Sweet. I'll bring candy.

Booya. Okay I'm done. Let's get these questions, T or D, and /or other humiliating moments done with. Our first is from **Swedish **. They ask: *Fixes hair so it is covering her blush* I feel like an abnormal person now...but that was awesome! I have half a mind to dare Scott to go back to Springwood and bring Freddy with him. However, I will restrain myself. My only dare is for Lucy. I dare Lucy to sing a song about how awesome Jack is. Hope you like your song, Jack.

Glad you found it awesome. Okay Lucy, do you have a song for Jack?

Lucy: As a matter of fact I do. (Clears her throat). Frosty and chilly and covered with snow, these are the things about Jack you should know…

Jack: Oh yeah!

Lucy: He's crafty and clever and knifty and neat. He's charming and witty and secretly sweet. Believe it or not, he's cool and he's hooooot! He's Jack!

That was sweet. Jack: Bravo! Encore!

Lucy: Do you want a hug?

Jack: NOOOO!

Okay. Our next question is from **Anna**. She asks: Well, I'm sorry to disappoint. Sadly, I don't work for the government...that's probably a good thing. I'm sure people wouldn't like the thought of me being in charge of something so important. Anyways, I loved the performance. I have a question for Mother Nature and the Sandman. Did you enjoy the kiss? Well, luckily for some people, I can't think of anything else. By the way, Jack, I concur. You are most definitely sexy.

So true. I must say, someone who can come up with this stuff probably should NOT work for the government. Mother Nature, tell us all the dirty details.

MN: Well…It was nice but truthfully….YUCK! That man has food in his beard from the 1700's. I had to go home and disinfect my mouth. For the love of earth, please never make me do that again!

Huh, I thought you liked him.

MN: I thought so too until I realized he doesn't clean his beard.

Okay gross. Let's just move on. Our next question is from **Hotarukiryu**. They ask: (blushes a little) thank you Bernard. By the way how did you decide on wearing your hat, it's so cool. Jack it's nice to know you liked Kaguya, maybe I should introduce you to Snow Miku. Santa do you have a favorite cookie? Thanks again guys, Sayonara.

Bernard: (Blushing) You're welcome. Thanks for the compliment about my hat. I am very close to it. I got the idea a long, long time ago. I have extremely curly hair you see, so I decided to find a way to keep it under control. I went through a fedora faze, a top hat faze, and even a baseball cap at one time before I found this hat at a shop. It fit perfectly and I've worn it ever since.

A fedora faze? Sweet!

Jack: Kaguya is a babe. If you want to introduce me to some other ice angels, feel free. (It wouldn't hurt if they happened to get my number as well)

Santa: I don't have a favorite cookie but I have a least favorite. I can't STAND raisins but if a kid leaves them out for me I'll eat them just because it's the thought that counts.

Well that's nice. I definitely wouldn't be that way. If someone left me a plate of mashed potato I'd give them a nasty look and leave.

Santa: Mashed potato? You don't like mashed potato?

Nope.

Santa: Freak…

Gee thanks. Okay before I whip out the claws, lets get to our next question. Oh Jack you should be excited.

Jack: Really? Why?

Well, **Princess Snow Kaguya** asks:

Hmm so I am actually liked by Jack, I thought as much. Jack I dare you to sing I'm too sexy and do a dance while singing.

Jack: Oh yeah! By the way, call me! Hit the music.

Okay! Jeez do I look like a maid to you?

Jack: I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my loveLove's going to leave me/I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirtSo sexy it hurts/And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for MilanNew York and Japan/And I'm too sexy for your partyToo sexy for your partyNo way I'm disco dancing/I'm a model you know what I meanAnd I do my little turn on the catwalkYeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeahI do my little turn on the catwalk

Okay whoa! Keep the clothes on! Maybe I do need a censor…

Bernard: Told you so.

Hush. Okay that's enough Jack. Is that the Sprinkler?

Jack: You wish you had this.

Moving on now. And on to our last question for the day. **Violentjay** asks:

Hello. This Is ViolentJay. And I got a question for Bernard: "Are you aware that there are hundreds of isnane fan girls on writing creepy fanfiction stories about you? How do feel about that? And what would you say to them?" lolAnd for my Second Question, for Bernard again: "Do you think you need a vacation? Where would you go?"

Great questions. Bernard?

Bernard: What? There's MORE of them? I thought SHE was enough!

Teehee.

Bernard: Don't teehee me. This is ridiculous. As for what I would say, I'd probably ask them what it is that's so appealing about myself. If anyone can share, please do. I have no idea what it is about me that anyone would actually love.

Your modesty for starters. Face it Bernard, you're a hunk.

Bernard. (Blushes) Oh jeez. Okay as for the vacation. Absolutely. But I wouldn't be able to. I don't plan on leaving Curtis as head elf ever again. If I somehow COULD go on a vacation however, I'd go to Hawaii to visit my parents.

Well that tis' all. As a reminder, our fan war is at 3 for Jack, 2 for Bernard, and 1 for Charlie. Keep voting! Please enjoy and ask away. This is Christmas Tells ALL (as if you didn't already know), and I'll see you next time! Toodles!


	11. We have a WINNER!

Hey amazing people! I'm back and I hope you know what that means…

Everybody: Oh no!

Oh yes! I'm not finished with you guys yet. It's time for Christmas Tells ALL! I am so PUMPED for this segment! Boo-YAH! Okay, excitement besides, we have some wonderfully awful dares and juicy questions to get to so let's get started! Our first comes from **Rosebud5 **who asks: My dear Bernard,First off, you are the sweetest elf ever. I can't believe you find nothing about yourself attractive! Your modesty makes you charming, first off, 'cause people or elves who are full of themselves deserve to be kicked. And second off, you have the coolest hair of any elf in the history of elfdom. PLUS ALSO your sarcastic yet caring personality makes you even more charming. Not to mention you have very pretty eyes. Did you know this? It's true. Next time you look in a mirror, see for I have a question for you, Mr. Charming and Dashing Head Elf Who Deserves a Better Title than Just "Number One." How is it you look to be about eighteen or nineteen while all the other elves look like they're four to about twelve? Did you just take a little longer to stop aging? Or are you like part human or something? THAT'D BE THE COOLEST THING EVER! Ahem. Gold Bernard!Your friend and fan,Rosey

Holy smokes. You've got one heck of a fan girl Bernard. It's a good thing I don't get JEALOUS! (Files her claws).

Bernard: Okay wow thank you Rosey. I honestly never realized…um… okay right. The question. Well truthfully, my father is half human and it got passed down to me and I grew taller than the average elf. I guess there is SOME truth to those fanfiction stories. I even hear that some people thought of that themselves. Or something along those lines. Thanks again… I'm going to go hide somewhere now. (Sneaks away blushing)

Too cute. Okay moving on. This one comes from **Violentjay **who asks: Hello again. I have a Dare for Bernard. *Grins evily* "I Dare Bernard to go streaking dude through the workshop for one five whole minutes." Think you got the guts, Bernard?

Bernard: NO WAY! I refuse!

Yeah I can't argue with you. Sorry **Violentjay**, I mentioned in the rules no nudity.

Bernard: PHEW!

But…

Bernard: But?

But since I don't want to run the risk of losing fans, let's just mix it up. Bernard must run through the workshop, still dressed, shouting that he is streaking.

Bernard: What will that do?

Make you look stupid. Now go streaking boy.

_In the workshop…_

Elves: You'd better watch out. You'd better not cry. You'd better not pout I'm-

Bernard: I'm STREAKING!

Elves: RUN! We mustn't corrupt our young minds! (Shield eyes)

Bernard: No, I'm not really-

SMASH! (Elf hits him with a rolling pin)

Bernard: OUCH!

Elf: If you want to do that, go to Vegas. This is a CIVILIZED workshop.

Bernard: You don't underst-

BANG!Bernard: OW! Stop it!

Elf: You inappropriate man!Bernard: I didn-

CRASH!

Bernard: Oh come on!

Elf: Now go away you hooligan!

Bernard: Okay.

_Back at the show…._

Everybody: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bernard: This isn't funny. I probably have a concussion or something.

Oh too bad. Someone get him a cold pack. It's time for our next request! Our next comes from **Princess Snow Kaguya**. She asks: (claps and smiles) well done my ice friend. So would you be interested in ruling with me? So far you are my favorite.

I'll take that as a shout out! Jack is now at 4, Bernard at 2, and Charlie at 1.

Jack: YES! Absolutely! Ahem…(brushes off jacket). I'm cool. Really.

Alrighty then. Moving on to our next fan. This one comes from **Hotarukiryu**. She asks: My friend wanted me to ask Santa how Chet is, and also wanted to point out that I'm a girl. Jack I will defiantly look up some ice angels for you. Bernard in the second movie you were under house arrest how was that and second I thin I found my own theme song for you sleepless beauty by nittle grasper

Santa: Oh Chet is just fine. He's still a bit shaky in steering and let's not forget his painfully short attention span. But other than that, he's doing just fine.

Jack: Thanks a million! I owe you a thousand thank yous. But uh, don't tell Princess Snow.

Oh Jack, always the player.

Jack: If you've got it, flaunt it.

And Bernard? What was house arrest like?

Bernard: It was a time in my life I look back on with horror and pain. I was utterly alone in a dark closet, tied up, and with nothing to feel but regret for my life's decisions….if you need me, I'll be in a dark corner. And before I go, thanks for the opinion. Sleepless Beauty is a very nice song.

Um…I think Bernard needs some time alone right now. Moving on to our next fantastic viewer. This one comes from **Swedish ** who asks: Nice. Well, I dare Neil to watch all the episodes of Fear Clinic. It's on FearNet(dot)com. When he's done watching Fear Clinic, ask him how he feels about Andover's methods. To the Molinator, how do you react to the Grinch's teeth, or any other person with bad teeth? Do you cringe or become nauseous? I know they're weird questions, but I'm running out of creativity at the moment.

Nonsense! No weird question is an unwelcome question on our show! The weirder the better! Okay Neil, go watch Fear Clinic and share with us all how you feel about Andover's methods.

Neil: I shall be back momentarily….

A long time later..

Neil: AHHHHH!

What?

Neil: That doctor is MAD!

You don't like him?

Neil: Of course I do! He's a mad genius! Who would have thought to actually put patients in the room with their worst fears? I MUST learn his ways!

But he uses unwilling patients.

Neil: For their own good.

Okaaaaay. (Note to self: Do NOT go to psychiatrist next Tuesday!) Let's move on. Our next one is from the not-government spy, **Anna**! She asks: *Smiles* Yes, it'd be very dangerous if I worked for the government. It's a good thing I'm in charge of small children instead. Just kidding. That would be a scary thought as well. My only dares are for Jack, and the duo of Cupid and the Easter Bunny. Jack, I dare you to perform 'Sexyback' by Justin Timberlake. I mean, go all out and perform. Cupid and EB, I dare you two to sing 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight' from the Lion King. You only have to sing the parts of Timon and Pumba plus the chorus.

Huh, you know sometimes I begin to think that maybe there are people in the world weirder than me. Then I look in the mirror. ALL BETTER! Whatever, moving on. Jack?

Jack: Stand back, things are gonna get good!

Bernard: Oh good lord someone get a bucket of ice water.

Jack: Shut up. I'm bringing sexy backThem other boys don't know how to actI think you're special, what's behind your back?So turn around and I'll pick up the slack./(Hip thrust)

Come here girl/Go ahead, be gone with it/Come to the back/Go ahead, be gone with it/VIP/Go ahead, be gone with it/Drinks on me/Go ahead, be gone with it/Let me see what you're torquing with/Go ahead, be gone with it/Look at those hips/(Swivels hips)Go ahead, be gone with it/You make me smile/(Flashes grin)Go ahead, be gone with it/Go ahead child/Go ahead, be gone with it/And get your sexy on/(Hair flick)Go ahead, be gone with it/Get your sexy onGo ahead, be gone with it.(Back flip)

…

Everyone: ….

Bernard: This show is corrupting young minds!Jack: Oh yeah like your streaking through the workplace was any better sparkle cheeks.

Bernard: I'd watch it slush man.

Hey that's enough. We still have another dare to do and that is no way to welcome fresh meat, uh I mean new guests. Hi there Easter Bunny. Cupid. How are you two?

EB: Alright thanks.

Cupid: Terrible.

Aw why?

Cupid: Cause I feel like it.

Well now. For the legendary figure of love, you're not very loving.

Cupid: Oh yeah? You wanna try holding onto a century long diaper rash?

Point taken. Alright fellas, are you ready to feel the love tonight?

EB: Not really.

Cupid: No way.

Well, too bad. Cue music.

Cupid: I'm gonna make this host fall in love with a cactus. Then she'll really know painful love.

Sing!

Cupid: I can see what's happening,

EB: What?

Cupid: And they don't have a clue.

EB: Who?

Cupid: They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line. Our trio's down to two.

EB: Oh.

Cupid: Ze sweet caress of twilight. There's magic everywhere. And with all this romantic atmosphere, DISASTER'S in the air!

Both: Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings. The world, for once, in perfect harmony with all it's living things. Can you feel the love tonight? You needn't look too far. Stealing through the night's uncertainties, love is where they are.

Cupid: And if he falls in love tonight, it can be assumed,

EB: His carefree days with us are history.

Both: In short our pal is doomed.

AWWWWWWW!

Everyone: AWWW.

That was too sweet. Good job.

Cupid: Am I getting paid for this?

See what happens when we show love Cupid?

EB: Yeah wasn't that sweet? You could smell the kindness in the air.

Cupid: All I could smell were your rotten Easter eggs.

EB: You sure it wasn't your diaper rash?

Well, the moment's over. It's time to move on. Our next question comes from **The Midnight Walker** who asks: CoolOkay...um...ha! Here's one "I dare Neil and Bernard to watch the Video "2 girls 1 cup" together, with a mouth full of water. Don't ask. Just do it. lolz

Um, I've seen that video. No. Sorry. We can only do dares that are PG and let's face it, younger audiences may want to read this as well. I'll gladly make them suffer something less disgusting if you'd like. Next question/dare/etcetera comes from **The Midnight Walker** again who asks: Hey Bernard? Would you or have you ever rode a polarbear?

Bernard: No I have not ridden a polar bear nor have I ever considered it. Thanks for giving me something to think about though.

Alright then. Moving on. **Snowkissa **asks: Answer to Bernard asking what it is that's so appealing about him: You're proud about who you are, mature. Good self-esteem is really attractive. (That's why you're also very charming, Jack) Plus, you're cute, I like your curly hair :)Question for Santa: What is the craziest thing someone has ever asked as a Christmas present (in your time as Santa)?

Again, you are all VERY lucky jealousy is not an issue. I'm just kidding.

Bernard: Thank you. I didn't think I was cute but then again, I'm not a girl am I?

Yet another reason why I adore you so.

Bernard: Back away demon!Santa: Okay the weirdest thing someone has asked me for was a goatee. You'd picture an older man, maybe a teenager asking right? Well see, this was a 3 year old boy. I'm surprised the kid could even write!

That is odd.

Santa: Oh yes, someone also asked me one year of Attila the Hun. That was definitely hard to fit in their stocking.

I would imagine so. Okay so our next comes from who asks: Bernard and Judy are my favorite. I have a question for Judy where did you go after the first movie?

Alright! That makes the total at 4 for Jack, 3 for Bernard, 1 for Charlie, and 1 for Judy!

Judy: Yea! I feel loved! Okay so truthfully, after the first movie I moved away to get my degree in welding.

You're a welder?

Judy: Oh yes, it's a passion of mine.

Alright now, this one is from **Violentjay** who asks: Who has more fans? Jack or Bernard? I'd say Bernard. Bernard, your way cooler than Jack. And Jack, Your "Jack frost". Your suposed to be cool, but your not. Your just a selfish jerk who's so full of himself. I bet you even like the smell of your own is hard working, and lets face it, he is pretty cute. That's probably why he has so many fangirls. I'm one of them. *winks at Bernard* Stay cool yeah, and Jack. Curious question. When you take a bump, do you crap ice sickles? lol

Bernard: OH YEAH!

Jack: Oh no, a pathetic little mortal doesn't like me. I guess I'll just go an cry bitterly until I fall asleep. HA! Forget it sister. I am JACK FROST. And no I do NOT crap ice sickles you sicko.

Bernard: I think she's pretty awesome.

Jack: You would.

Alright we are not at Jack with 4, Bernard with 4, Charlie with 1, and Judy with 1. Oh boy it's getting close! One more and someone wins! Which brings us to our next and final fan of the night. This one comes from **Snow Miser's Lady** who says: To Violentjay, Jack Frost IS cool. How would you feel if everyone pampered and favored Santa, while treating you like a redheaded step child and gave you the position of second fiddle? In the movie, there were times when he could've frozen Lucy, but he didn't. When she came up to hug him, he could have done it and won. Do I agree with what he did? No. Do I understand where he was coming from? Yes. He just wanted some attention, appreciation and TLC that no one was willing to give...until Lucy. The thing about him liking the odor of his own fart was just plain crude. To the author, you have a nice story and Jack is my favorite. I'm not sure what to ask so I won't ask anything.

Jack: I WIN!Congratulations Jack! You win. You saw it here folks. Tune in next time to see what Jack's surprise is. Keep up the questions, keep up the creativity, we loves you all! BYE!


	12. Jack's in charge!

Hey there! It's little me! Back with everyone's FAVE segment, Christmas Tells ALL! But this is a very special segment. Would you like to know why?

Curtis: Not really.

Yeah well nobody asked YOU. Anyways, this is special because for all those who were tuned in on our last segment, you saw Jack Frost win the poll for best character, winning by just one vote.

Jack: HA! In your FACE pointy ears!

Bernard: (shrugs) Whatever. I still think this whole show is stupid anyways.

Jack: You wish you were as popular as me.

Wow Jack, that was cold. Ha, ha get it?

Everyone:….

Yeesh. What does it take to get a living cast around here? Anyways, enough small talk. My prize for Jack is that he is the host of this show for the rest of the day. Which gives me plenty of time to get my nails done. Bye!

Jack: Oh yeah! I have POWER!

Bernard: Oh lord help us now.

Jack: MWAHAHAHAHA! Well, I guess that was fun. Now I have to get through these stupid Q's and A's. Yuck. Alright our first obsessed fan is **Hotarukiryu** who asks: Hello again, Bernard my question for you is would you have any tips for those who want to become number one. Jack here's the info for snow miku. Last but not least, Molinator is your real name Roy? Thanks again.

Jack: So Bern-head, how do we become number one? (As if you knew)

Bernard: Easy. Just be confident, don't let people's criticisms hurt you (Jack), and keep a strong backbone.

Jack: HA! Here's a tip. To be number one, don't be a Bernard!

Bernard: Nope. Still not hurt.

Jack: Just you wait…okay moving on. Yeah! Thank you very much. Gorgeous snow girls here I come! And gee, look at this, the "Molinator". Well is your name Roy or not dude?

TF: No it's not. But I wish!

Jack: Yes and I wish you would go yank some kid's teeth out and get out of my spotlight. Moving on. Ah, here's **Violentjay**, the fan who says I poop icicles. Let's see what they have to say: *Sobs* I didn't mean to get Bernard beat up:( And I'm sorry I asked that dare of you Bernard. I just thought it would be funny. But I guess I have a horriable sence of humor. I hope we can still be friends? And Jack Frost. I'm sorry too. I didn't mean what I said. You are cool. I'm just still sore about what you tried to do to Santa and the entire North pole. But you already apoligized. I was just being a jerk. Freinds?

Jack: Well I'm thrilled that you have come to your senses. And yes, we can be pals. I'm cool like that, so to speak. Bernard?

Bernard: Of course I forgive you. It's the elf with the hard swing I need therapy to get over. And don't worry about the concussion. The doctor gave me a lollypop and said the internal bleeding is a harmless side-effect. (Pauses). Has this room always had dancing spots on the walls?

Jack: Alright ditzy, time to take a break. Next question. I hope it's about me! **Swedish **asks: Wow. I did not expect Neil to approve of Andover's methods. I mean, sure he's portrayed by the amazing Robert Englund, but...Ah, nevermind. Although it didn't turn out so well, the idea was definitely brilliant. Anyways, the Molinator never answered my questions. So, I'll let him answer those and skip asking questions.

Jack: Oh gee, what a big surprise. Air-headed Animanizanny forgets the Molinator.

(Jumps into room) Hey! We all forget things you know! Try doing my job on a daily basis!

Jack: Oh boo hoo. Now you've gone and made the Tooth Fairy cry.

TF: (sniffles) I'm not crying! Someone just has really bad breathe. (Why does everyone always forget me?)

Jack: Tell us, how do you react to bad teeth.

TF: I develop a horrible twitch. It's very amusing to watch but not nearly as amusing to experience. Bad teeth….(twitch)

Jack: HAHAHA! That IS funny to watch. Hey Tooth Fairy, rotten molars!

TF: (twitch) Stop it.

Jack: Yellow bicuspids!

TF: (twitch) I'm serious!

Jack: CAVITIES!

TF: (twitch) Jack I'm going to (twitch) KILL (twitch) YOU!

Jack: Yeah right. Next question. Ah, my lovely fan, **Anna**. Why hello there darling. And what do you have today for us. She asks: I absolutely loved the performance, Jack. Bernard, leave Jack alone. Just because he's made of awesome and you're jealous, you cannot keep picking on him. So, I dare you to do whatever Jack tells you to for all of the next chapter. Have fun, Jack.

Jack: Oh I will! Teehee.

Bernard: Help me.

Jack: Bern-head, I command you to hit yourself in the face with this banana cream pie that was conveniently in my back pocket.

Bernard: I loathe you so intensely. (Shoves head in pie.)

Jack: Now kick yourself in the butt.

Bernard: (Wipes pie from eyes) I don't think that's physically possible.

Jack: Oh stop whining and do as I say.

Bernard: (Attempts to kick himself and falls on his butt.)

Jack: Haha you fell. Oh enough fun for now, I am NOT done with you so don't even THINK of relaxing. The next fan is **Snow Miser's Lady**. Another hopeless fan of mine. How can you even fight the fact that I'm amazing? Alright, my lovely mortal asks: Wow...that was awesome. My favorite part was the singing done by Cupid and EB. Nice dare, Anna. I guess I'll take a shot at a dare. Although Jack is my favorite, I still like Bernard and Charlie. So, I dare Bernard to act like Gibbs and Jack to act like Tony Dinozzo, but only for two minutes. (I'm a huge NCIS fan.) Also, I dare Jack to sing the Snow Miser's song and Scott to sing the Heat Miser's song.

Jack: Oh fun. Anyone know who Tony Dinozzo is?

Bernard: Beats me. Who's Gibbs?

Jack: We'll be right back after this short break…

(Leaves to watch NCIS with Bernard)

…

Bernard: Alright let's grab your gear, we're on a Christmas show.

Jack: Do we get payed for this boss?

Bernard: You don't.

Jack: Well that's harsh

Bernard: That's reality. Try looking at dead victims' bodies all day long. Now THAT'S harsh.

Jack: Okay and scene. Wow that was stupid. Sorry if Bernard here isn't that great an actor. There's only so much I can do to make it better.

Bernard: Hey! I make an excellent Gibbs!

Jack: Yeah like I would make an excellent heat miser. Which leads us into the next request…HIT IT!

(lights dim and icicles grow from ceiling.)

Jack: This one goes out to all the LADIES in the house tonight. I'm mister white Christmas, I'm mister snow. I'm mister icicle, I'm mister 10 below. They call me snow miser. Whatever I touch, turns to snow in my clutch! I'm too much.

Everyone: He's mister white Christmas, he's mister snow.

Jack: That's right!

Everyone: He's mister icicle, he's mister 10 below.

Jack: Friend's call me snow miser, whatever I touch, turns to snow in my clutch! I'm too much!

(applause from imaginary audience)

Jack: Thank you, thank you I know I'm beautiful, but come on, you're the beautiful ones! Ha ha oh I'm too much. Scott?

Santa: That's Mr. Claus to you.

Jack: Don't you mean Mister Heat Miser?

Santa: I'm mister green Christmas, I'm mister sun. I'm mister heat blister, I'm mister hundred-and-one! They call me heat miser, whatever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch. I'm too much.

Everyone: He's mister green Christmas, he's mister sun. He's mister heat blister, he's mister hundred-and- one.

Santa: They call me heat miser, whatever I touch starts to melt in my clutch. I'm too much.

(more imaginary applause)

Santa: Thank you hohoho!

Jack: Yeah, yeah get out of my spotlight big red. This is MY time baby! Okay next fan. This one comes from **The Quirkyquizler femme18** who asks:

1st off, i'd like to pay respect and give credit where its due, to the wonderful Animanizanny for thinking of this freaking AWESOME idea! ...and don't worry about being crazy...im crazier on a daily basis!(cheeky grin)...then, my fan crazes may be way!anywho, onto the questions and dares! (taps chin) who 1st?...OOH! i know, the one i feel deserves ta have won! -Bernie!like other fan-girls have said, yer appeal and charm is not only from your 'should-be-considered-a-crime' good looks and yer witty yet totally fitting sarcastic mannerisms, but also your cool headed maturity despite the situations!..plus how easily ya handle spur of the moment situations, like the Toy Santa cover up in the second movie back in 2002!..oh,look at me babbling like a blushing school girl fan-girl!(gets suddenly wacked over the head, passing out. the REAL 'The Quirkyquizler femme18' steps forward holding metal baseball bat)sorry about that Bernard..I've been on a Transformers fan-crazy and my TF OC slipped loose..who is also a SC fan like me...as well as a well mannered and not obsessed fan-girl of yours. though she is correct about your appeal..as for questions, i have just one. When you retire (and I know you won't like having to at some point in the future that won't be hopefully fer QUITE awhile since Curtis needs more on the job training and a smidgen of maturity when controlling his anger) what would you possible think about doing? Traveling among the mortals, or among the magic and legendary society? Because knowing people like you, you won't settle for a quiet life..well too quiet that is..you have to have something to keep preoccupied, no matter how simple or challenging..its just how your mind work. I should know since im the same..sorta..its a joke with friends that im ADHOAS, or 'Attention Deficient Hyp-Ooh! A Shiny!'. Meaning I act like i have a short attention span and act very hyper, but also am easily distracted by shiny objects..sorry about the rant there. now, next one - Jack.(blank look) your fragging Narcissistic aft..Rubbing it in like that JUST because you think yer top dog.. it's bullying and belittling people like you that made my school years miserable..and if yer offended, BITE MY AFT! see if i care Scott? Im deeply sorry fer yer troubles with him..it take something dramatic to kick some sense into their heads. (light bulb) wait, I have a DARE fer ya Jack! 'I DARE JACK FROST TO GO THROUGH THE NEXT *TWO8 CHAPTERS WITH HIS POWERS SUSPENDED BESIDES HIS FROSTED LOOK AND ICE BREATH! oh and he can't freeze people.' Now, I know Legendary figures powers don't work on others..but a Fanfic Author/Authoress' Powers are UNLIMITED! i mean, we can freaking bring favorite characters BACK TO LIFE AND MAKE THEM ALL POWERFUL!...so Animanizanny, if you would kindly lay the band on said powers on Jack please..and dont worry Jack fans..its only 2 chappies..HOPEFULLY he learns some humility! And lastly, Mother Nature. Is it true what you said about the Halloween legendary figure? 'Cause i *kinda* already have one!..All though *TECHNICALLY* she's the fall sprite who acts as the Halloween rep since no one wants to be on the 'molenator' 's bad side..and TF? there IS healthy candy and Halloween treats ya know..the fall festival i work at every year has TONS of them! I could show you if ya want proof..But to the point. Mother Nature, Would you and the council recognize my OC Amber, who if recognized would be the Fall Sprite, and also maybe allow her to be the co-Creator/ Bearer of Fall along with you as well as the Rep. for Halloween?wait, 1 last DARE AND TRUTH! Neil - your turn to be the patient! Do you, in ANYWAY, feel Jealous towards, Scott due to his Job as most likely the most BELOVED man on Earth?...and I DARE ya ta Watch 'Scrubs' and NO COPYING ON ANYTHING!.and also watch the mentalist and Psych! and again, NO COPYING PATRICK OR SHAWN IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM! YER A THERAPIST! NOT A FREAKING SARCASTIC PHYSICAL HEALTH DOCTOR, A FBI CONSOLE, OR A FAKE PSYCHIC WHO IS A BETTER DETECTIVE THAN SHERLOCK HOLMES BECAUSE OF HIS EX POLICE CHIEF DAD!There, that wraps it up! hope it wasn't too long and Thanks for using this if ya do!

Jack: I believe my mind just exploded. Hold on while I process the above information…

(an hour later)

Jack: Wait a darn minute, did she just insult me?

Bernard: Uh duh.

Jack: Hey! Alright let's see what the whack job has to say for herself. Okay so first off, she's a weirdo obsessed fan of Bernard's and the question is for you freako. But first, I command you to slap yourself across the face!

Bernard: (slaps). Jokes on you Frost, my concussion made my face inexplicably numb. Okay so for all the loving fan mail you have given me, again I say thanks and even though I feel terribly awkward, I'm also extremely flattered. You are all great and wonderful girls I'm sure and I would like to meet you all.

Jack: Blah da de blah Romeo. Get on with it!

Bernard: Nobody likes you so hush up Jack. Anyways, I would definitely go traveling among the mortals. I have investigated them and hear they are quite interesting. (Yourself the prime example.) I would also like to see the many Christmas shops that people have set up to see the festival spirit still alive.

Curtis: I am TOO mature! (picks nose absentmindedly)

Jack: Okay now this is doom on your very soul, mortal! I shall find your town and give you such a blizzard you will have snow in your corneas! NO ONE suspends Jack Frosts POWERS! Bernard: She just did slush-for-brains.

Jack: I will freeze you!Sorry Jack you can't. I have been given the right to band your powers for two whole chapters. Mucks to be you har har.

Jack: AHHHHHHHHH!Scott: Thank you very much for giving me props. It's not easy dealing with a "hot" head like him.

Everyone: (laughs hysterically)

HEY! Everyone hates MY ice jokes but when YOU say them there's laughter?

Bernard: Well yeah, he signs our paychecks.

Point taken. Well I'm not supposed to be here so I shall leave. But before I go, thank you very much to **The Quirkyquizler femme18** for giving my awesomeness props. It's not easy to be this random, you know? Laters!

Jack: I am CALM. Deep breathes Jack…deep breathes. Okay Mother Nature come talk so we can get this horrible segment moving.

MN: Okay so there is a fall sprite somewhere I didn't know about? I need to check my status more often. I will humbly open my arms to Amber the fall sprite and name her the new Fall Representative and Legendary Figure of Halloween. Welcome Amber and may your powers be used for good…or else you'll end up like Jack.

Jack: No powers for Jack….no more powers for Jack….

Neil: Okay so the last is for me. Jack, here's my card. Alright so I am not jealous of Scott. He's Santa for pete's sake! I would never be jealous of a guy so humbly giving. If he was still same ol' Scott I'd hate his guts but I don't so yeaaa! Oh, and I have already seen Scrubs. I own every season silly! J.D. Dorian is the BEST!

Jack: Take it easy fan boy. Okay now that my moment of stress is over, let's go on to our very last question. This one comes from **MiscPurpleEccentric94 **who asks: Hi, there! I do love these Q and A fics. I know the voting is over, but I'd just like to say that Bernard is my favorite. So, Bernard: Exactly how old are you? Where were you during the third movie? In some fics I've seen LOTR jokes made in referance to your height, including someone calling you Legolas. Thoughts? Scott/Santa: Do serial killers and such get put on a special Beyond Naughty list? Curtis: Sweetie, are you sure you're up for the job of Head Elf? Jack: Why didn't you freeze Lucy?Cupid: You're usually depicted as a little cherub or a "hottie" in his teens or twenties. No offence, but you don't seem to be either. Please explain. School Elves: What's it like having Carol as a teacher? Everyone: Do you have any pets? Whoever can answer: Were there elves before Christmas? If so, what did they do? Also, I dare Carol, Judy, Nd Lucy to sing Girls Just Wanna' Have Fun. :)

Bernard: Okay I'm first? Alright so I am approximately 2116 years old. My birthday is February 4th. In the third movie, I was away on my first vacation of 1000 years visiting my parents in Hawaii. It is a mistake I will never make again. What do I think about the jokes? Hey, if you're jealous sweethearts, just say so.

Jack: Wow that sounds like something I would say!

Bernard: Holy tinsel your right! I need to get away from you!

Santa: There is a special list for serial killers. It's called prison.

Jack: Or death row.

Santa: Jack we don't talk about such things on a children's show.

Jack: Shoot me.

Curtis: I absolutely think I am up for the job as Head Elf. I deserve it as much as the next elf right?

Santa: Curtis, you told Jack about the Escape Claus.

Curtis: But he's clever.

Jack: Guilty. And I did not freeze Lucy because believe it or not, I do not believe in freezing kids. It's against my morals.

Bernard: What morals?

Jack: The ones that go next to your butt getting kicked. I command you to go jump off a cliff!

(Bernard seen jumping off a cliff)

JACK! You just threw Bernard off a cliff!Jack: I didn't throw him. He jumped.

I'm taking back over. I'm terribly sorry Bernard fans. He'll live. He'd better or Jack's gonna die. And if there is any mark on Bernard's beautiful face, Mr. Frosty's gonna get it! Kay so Cupid, would you like to share?

Cupid: I'm an eternity old man. What more is there to say? If you think I'm a hot guy, that says something about your taste.

As happy as ever I see. Here comes Bernard!

Bernard: (seen in a wheelchair.) I think my spine is in my throat.

Aww. Do you want me to kiss you and make it better?

Bernard: NO! I'm okay really.

Good. I need you for the next chapter. Okay so who has pets?

Santa and Carol: We have a long haired white cat named Belle.

Curtis: I used to have a hamster named Speedy but he died in the microwave.

Everyone: O.o

Curtis: What?

You put your hamster in the MICROWAVE?Curtis: Who doesn't?

Bernard: This is why you will NEVER be head elf! And I have a Samoyed named Ella. She's the only girl in my life.

Charlie: I have a dog. He's a lab German shepherd mix named Randy.

Too cute! Okay so can anyone answer.

Santa: Um….

Bernard: I'm not even that old but I have read of my heritage. Elves started off in a village located in the north pole with a passion for crafting. When jolly old Saint Nick the 1st came along, everyone used him as a way to bring toys down to the kids of the world.

Okay so to end the show for us, the girls of The Santa Clause will be performing. Hold on to your hats boys!

Carol: I come home in the morning light my mother says when you gonna live your life right? Oh mothger dear we're not the fortunate ones. And girls, they wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun.

Judy: the phone rings in the middle of the night, my father yells what you gonna do with your life? Oh daddy dear you're still number one but girls they wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun.

Lucy: Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world. I wanna be the one to walk in the sun. Oh girls they wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun.

C, J, and L: That's all they really want. Some fun. When the working day is done oh girls, they wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun!

Everyone: YEEEEAAAAAA!Boo-ya! You girls make boys drool! Until next time….oh you know the drill by now. Later gaters!


	13. We're BAAAAAAACK!

Why hellooooo fans of Christmas Tells ALL! I bet you all thought I was dead!

Bernard: Hoping sounds more accurate.

Hey now, that is no way to talk to your future ruler/wife. Anyways, this was on a short delay but I am BACK baby! I bet the cast is just filled with glee to see me!

Everyone: She's back! Run for your lives! Woman and children first!

My people. Okay so last segment, Jack was the host. He was great, he was powerful….and he got his powers suspended. Let's see how mister Snow's doing.

Jack: No powers….Loser….need snow….SNOW! (sucks thumb)

Well isn't that just sad? Okay now, let's get going because I'm sure you're all excited to have your requests fulfilled. Our first request comes from **The Quirkyquizler femme18**.

Jack: The beast returns!Hush up. I respect her as she is one of my many valued supporters. Now on to the question: -happy squeal- hey everyone, its me again! just wanted ta say thanks ta Animanizanny for choosing my review and for doing the 2 chapters ban on the frozen Ice Prick's powers, and everyone else for replying to my dares and questions!..and im not a 'whack job' or a 'weirdo obsessed fan'.i was annoyed and tired after chasing down my TF OC who got to Fanfiction authors and authoresses,just ask Animanizany. And trust me,im NOT obsessed. I know i dont have a rat's a** of a chance due to being mortal and not from your guys' OC Amber doesnt't even have much of one, due to being the Fall Sprite and Bernard being so fiercely dedicated to his work. So there for, im not obsessed. I just tend to rant when pointing out the good points in people when they are stubbornly too 'blind' not to see Jack, i know i just insulted you AGAIN. And your weak threats don't scare me. Im a fanfiction authoress as well as a Transformers fan remember? I've been to the TF realms and insulted Megzy to his face! Plus the tentacle faced 'the Fallen'!..so you are a little whelp in comparison to them. And ya can't freeze my hometown. Seeing as i live in Texas and its considered the end of the world when it snows here in winter,due to the fact that the coldest on average is 69 degrees Fahrenheit. It would mess with the balance of Global warming if you try to make it snow and last for more than 2 Nat, if ya dont mind me calling you that, thanks for accepting Amber onto the Council as the Fall Representative and Legendary Figure of 's excited and grateful. If not nervous of how Tooth Fairy will treat her since her holiday is opposing his. Infact she's currently hiding in another realm,the 'nightmare before Christmas' to be exact -plus she needs some help from Jack Skeleton about how to properly represent her TF, DON'T be mean to her - or else i'll send in a dare for you to be sent to a movie or TV series realm where 1 or more of the characters LITERALLY LIVES OFF CANDY AND SWEETS..and have you be stranded there for 3 days and 3 Jack, DON'T say A WORD about how that is being malicious and cunning like you were in the 3rd Santa Clause SO HELP ME ICE-CUBE IF YA MAKE *ANY* REFERENCE TO ME BEING SIMILAR TO YOU IN *ANY WAY*, I'LL DEFROST YOU SO FAST THA ICE CAPS WILL MELT SOME!..[devious smirk] and let me just say my *affectionate* way of defrosting someone isn't as..*innocent* as Lucy's..And as *repulsive* as kissing you is, it will defrost you faster than an ice cube in the there's the perk of it also being my TF OC's patented 'Knock out kiss' - effectively knocking you unconscious for a good 3 hours as you quickly defrost...so i'd show a little more respect for fanfic authors and we can make your life a living he** .like they say "he** hath no fury like a woman scorned" - and sorry everyone else for the that im done with my half-hearted attempt to scare Jack into no longer insulting me, onto Random questions! here's one for everyone - aka Bernard,frozen bi-polar whelp, Curtis, Scott/Mr.C, Carol/Mrs.C, Neil, Abby, Judy, Lucy, Charlie, Cupid, Mother Nature, Father Time, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Sandman - as well as another elf i want to hear from, Quentin!ok,question is: 'If,for whatever reason,you had to live in the mortal realm for 2 months with NO MAGICAL HELP, what kind of job would you take? and as for Easter Bunny, Cupid and Tooth Fairy, lets just theoretically say you had a way of passing for a mortal human, just for the sake of the question. SO, what job would you most likely take? And why!And whoever answers honestly and NOT EGOTISTICALLY, gets a surprise gift from me..and Animanizany should have the author/authoress' ability to see if a character in their story is lying or not, so it would be pointless to lie...and im looking at you Ice-Pick and Curtis!

Well OKAY! We're gonna need to bring out the whole cast on this one! I believe the only two who have not been introduced as of today are The Sandman and Quentin! Welcome to the show!

Quentin: It's wonderful to be acknowledged, love.

What an adorable accent!

Bernard: Run while you still can.

Shut it. And Sandman, how are you?

Sandman: I am wonderful. Yawn. Excuse me. (Falls asleep.)

That's nice. Okay let's start from the top of her request. You're absolutely welcome for choosing your review. Seeing one that size makes it impossible to ignore. Jack's powers will stay suspended through out this chapter as you asked. Isn't that right Jack?

Jack: I HATE YOU.

And she hated you too. As for Amber, I say she's got a chance with mister sexy head elf over here. Personally, I think he's falling for me.

Bernard: No I'm not! Ignore the weird female! But Amber seems nice. I'm just not ready for relationships.

Okay I believe there were many insults about Jack scattered through this. Anything to say Jack?

Jack: I'd just like to say that when my powers are unsuspended, I don't give an ice drip whether or not you live in Texas! I'll bury you! I'll teach you NEVER TO MESS WITH THE FORCES OF WINTER!Okay easy there.

Mother Nature: You're very welcome about allowing Amber. I only wish I had heard of her sooner. And don't worry, she will be treated with the most highest level of respect and dignity. After all, she's the Fall Sprite. There is much respect to those who earn and deserve it. (Shoots a glare at Jack)

Jack: What?

Okay I believe it's time to answer the actual question. If you had to live for 2 months without magical help in the mortal realm, what career would you take? She says no egotistical retorts. I assume that means you Jack.

Jack: Yeah whatever. My headache is too intense to think of one anyways. Everyone already knows I'm awesome. To shove it down their throats would be desperate.

Okay so answers?

Scott: Well I would probably go back to the toy company but there would be some big changes. Such as that Santa would NOT drive a tank!

Carol: My passion is teaching. I will always find work as either a principal or teacher of some sort.

Bernard: I'd open a Christmas shop. What can I say? The holiday is in my blood.

Curtis: I'd be an accountant. Straight-forward thinking is always the way I've lived. Numbers and order are heaven.

Neil: Well I'm already mortal(sigh), so I would remain a psychiatrist.

Charlie: Yeah well even though I'm mortal I plan to become Santa one day and take over my father's business. So I have a back up plan. I want to be a chef. Culinary arts are my secret love. Don't tell anyone though.

Newsflash: This is a segment where anyone in the world can read what they want to.

Charlie: Oops.

Lucy: I'm going to be a vet. Or a ballerina. Or a ballerina vet! It can happen.

Judy: I would open a bakery where I sell cocoa and any sweet imaginable.

Abby: I'd work along side her as co-owner. We both have great talents in baking.

MN: I'd be a rock star. It's common knowledge that I love leather pants.

Everyone: O.o…

COOL! Rock on Mother Nature!

Cupid: I'd probably be a jobless deadbeat. Why? Because I hate people. Everyone knows you have to deal with people in any line of work.

Wow. And you're the magic of love. Kind of says something about mankind doesn't it?

EB: I'm not sure. Is there a job that involves hiding things? I love to hide things.

You could become an insurance salesman! Sandman: I'd sell mattresses. Do I even need to explain why?

FT: I'd be sent right to a nursing home. I'm not sure if I'd be allowed in the workforce.

Don't say that. There are plenty of old people making money. Example, Hue Hefner. Um…..never mind.

TF: I would clearly become a dentist. Oral hygiene makes the world go 'round.

Quentin: I'd work as an inventor/ mechanic. I have a knack for building things.

The British accent will get you places my friend. Soooo foreign. (Swoons)

Bernard: Maybe I'm free!

Now, now Bernard, you know that you will always be my number 1.

Bernard: WHY?

Okay I believe that's over. Next question! This one comes from **Violentjay** who asks: Everyone's last performance was great by the way. And Bernard! You jumped off a cliff! Are you okay? Well…at least this concussion wasn't because of me. Jack, once again, you're a jerk, but still hilarious. And Santa, I have a question for you. What if a child woke up while you were still in their house, and they somehow snuck into your slay, and you accidently took them to the north pole? What would you do?

Bernard: Well I'm healing. That's good. Thank you for your concern.

Santa: I would have to initiate an EOS.

What's EOS?

Santa: EOS means Exposure Of Santa. We'd wipe the child's mind and ship him or her back to their house. I would leave them a candy cane and be off. It was a plan I came up with after Charlie and I first got to the north pole. If my son could get to the sleigh, odds are other kids could too.

Alrighty our next comes from **Anna**. She asks: Haha. Jack, you're as amazing as ever. I dare Scott and Neil to have an epic rap battle. If you haven't seen any of the Epic Rap Battles of History videos on Youtube, you should. Also, Jack and Bernard should have a rap battle. At the end, everyone votes for the winner of both battles. In the chapter after votes are in, the winners face each other.

Okay you heard her folks! Vote for your winner! Next chapter we will have a rap battle show down! Okay Scott and Neil, take it away.

Scott: My name's S to the ANTA. I work hard to give kids toys to play. You ask the questions, keep writin' um down. Come on fool quit clownin around. You steal my kid, brainwash his mind. You should have known it was a matter of time. He loves me cause I'm the man in red. He loves ME! Get it into your know-it-all head. He loves me, so spread the word around. Hope you're ready smart-man Santa's taking you to town!

Neil: You act so cool in your red coat and boots, telling me that I don't have a clue. Let's face it, I'm giving the facts and fat guys like you have problems with that. Your son, my son it's all the same. But I hope you're ready cause this is a brain game. I think, I analyze. I see people's thoughts straight through their eyes. You say he loves you, well you're just buying your time. I know inside the kid's got a mind. He loves me, and I know it's true. Why else would he stay with me and not you? He loves ME! Get your head checked hard. Here Saint Nick, I'll give you my card.

Ouch. Those were some um, good raps.

Charlie: I love you both. You're both my dads.

Scott and Neil: Okay…truce.

Next up, Bernard vs. Jack!

Jack: I've been waiting for this.

Bernard: Bring it snotcicle.

Jack: Look at this, what do we see? A pointy eared, straight-backed Santa wannabe. You think you're smart, you think you're cool. Well here we are and I'm telling you fool that I'm cool and you wish you were me. I bet you lay alone at night and cry yourself to sleep. You're alone, you're a freak. Come on I've got a season after me. You couldn't compete, you just wouldn't match. This here icy cool charmer sportin an 8 pack. I'm higher up, I rock I'm the best. You hang down below the rest. You're just an elf, you have no power. Need I go on? Heck, I could go on for hours. You just can't beat this, I'm one in a mil. Now hurry along tiny, you've got orders to fill.

Bernard: Well, well Jack you think you're hard to beat. Standing so tall ,callin me a freak. It's time you faced it, you're rude and ill. You live for torment and play to kill. You act so high and mighty I see. You play your games and tell me I can't compete. I have news for you mister frosty freeze. You can't always live and do as you please. What you do it's simple to see, you make fun of others to give yourself glee. Your rotten and ruined and an insecure. You aren't that special if your stealin Santa's work. At least I'm honest, at least I'm true. I wouldn't do half the things you're prone to do. I live life fully, you lie in deceit. You live in the shadows of a figure who can't be beat. You're a fake, a con and that's not all. You're so dang magic in winter but wake up, it's fall.

Wow. Alright you know what to do. Vote for the winner and next chapter we'll have a rap war for the two best rappers. Next we have **Swedish **who asks: Thanks for answering my questions, Molinator. Um...what to ask or dare? Okay. I dare everyone to go American Idol. I'm talking about the REAL American Idol with Simon, Paula and Randy on the panel. Scott is Randy, Carol is Paula and Jack is the awesome Simon Cowell. Bernard can be Ryan Seacrest. The other characters will be the contestants and they can choose whatever songs they want.

YAYYY! American Idol. For the record, I do not own anything about American Idol. Alright Ryan, start us off!

Bernard: Hello everybody this is American Idol. Let's meet the judges. Randy Jackson!

Santa: Yo man what's up?

Bernard: Paula Abdul!

Carol: Hi everyone.

Bernard: And Simon Cowell.

Jack: Yeah whatever.

Bernard: Today we have some very talents voices coming to the stage… maybe. First off, we have Curtis. Oh god.

Curtis: Hi everyone. Today, I'm singing the song, The Climb by Miley Cyrus.

Jack: 0 out of 10.

Bernard: He hasn't even sang yet.

Jack: Hello? Miley Cyrus?

Curtis: There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb.

Scott: Man, that was straight up whacked. I give a 3.

Carol: Well…I like your shoes. (Sigh). 4.

Jack: Didn't I already vote?

Bernard: Next contestants, welcome Abby and Judy.

A and J: We'll be singing Defying Gravity, from the Broadway musical, Wicked.

A: Why couldn't you have stayed calm for once! Instead of flying off the handle! I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy now .I hope you're happy how you've hurt your cause forever. I hope you think you're clever!

J: I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy too. I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission to feed your own ambition.

Both: So though I can't imagine how. I hope you're happy right now.

J: Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing. Too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close, my eyes, and leap. It's time to try defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity and you can't pull me down!

Scott: Beautiful man! I'm like, in tears! 8!

Carol: Breathtaking! 9!

Jack: Eh….6

Bernard: As horrid as always I see.

Stick to your character!

Bernard: Oh right. Okay next is Charlie singing Turn It Off by Paramore.

Charlie: I wanna know what it'd be like to find perfection in my pride to see nothing in the light. To turn it off in all my spite. In all my spite, I'll turn it off. And the worst part is, before it gets an better we're heading for a cliff. And in the free fall I will realize I'm better off when I hit the bottom.

Scott: Yay! 10!

No favoritism. Scott: I'm not. The fact that he's my son is pure coincidence.

Carol: 7. Excellent.

Jack: -1

Jack!

Jack: What? I'm not expressing favoritism. Quite the opposite actually.

Bernard: Next is Quentin singing Silly Love Songs by Paul McCartney.

Quentin: You'd think that people would have ad enough of silly love songs. But I look around me and I see it isn't so. Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs. What's wrong with that? I'd like to know. Cause here I go again. I love you. I love you. Love doesn't count in a minute. Sometime sit doesn't count at all. I only know that when I'm in it. Love isn't silly. No it isn't silly,. Love isn't silly at all.

Scot: Blowing my mind. 7

Carol: So sweet! 9!

Jack: Shouldn't the title have been enough to stop you? Silly love song? Please. 3.

Bernard: (Coughs) Jerk. Okay last for the evening is Mother Nature singing Raise Your Glass by P!NK.

MN: Right, right turn off the light we gonna lose our minds tonight. What's the deal, yo? I love when it's all too much. 5 am turn the radio up where's the rock n' roll? Party crashers, penny snatchers. Call me up if you are gangsta. Don't be fancy just get dancy. Why so serious? So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways. All my underdogs. We will never be, never be anything but loud. And nitty gritty dirty little freaks. Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass! Just come on and come on and raise your glass!

Scott: AWESOME! 10!

Carol: 10!

Jack: Oh…alright. I'll give it an 8.

Bernard: Mother Nature wins American Idol!

MN: Thank you! I'm going to Dis-

Please don't finish that unless you have the money to pay for it. Okay so next we have **Snow Miser's Lady**.

Jack: Helloooo. (growls)

Ew. Okay so she asks: Jack, you made an excellent Tony Dinozzo. Bernard, you also did well with your part. I chose those characters because they actually remind me of you two. Tony's the impish womanizer and Gibbs is the strict workaholic. The only difference would be that Gibbs and Tony get along. Well, I should dare someone to do something really random...I dare Mother Nature to give Jack his only holiday (even if it's only temporary). That's all

MN: Okay Jack. I will give you a holiday.

Jack: It's about time.

MN: I give you the holiday of the Frost. It will be presented on February 30th.

Jack: YES! Wait…there is no February 30th!

MN: Sure there is. On a leap year.

Jack: You evil tree hugger! And you call yourself loving!

Sweet trick Mother N. Okay so onto our next. **The Midnightwalker** asks: Hey, this question and or dare goes out to Bernard and Jack. If you two had an arm wrestling contest, who do you think would win?

Well? Who would win?

Bernard: I'll give it to Jack only because I don't believe in violence.

Jack: Oh contraire. I'm more sleek than muscled. I'm more the black panther while you would be the elephant.

Bernard: This elephant would break your panther in half.

Jack: Ha! You wish.

2 hours later…

Bernard: You're going down!

Jack: Yeah right tinsel brains!

Everyone: GO GO GO GO!

Okay quick, I want everyone to vote for who the heck they think would win this arm wrestling match. The winner, well, wins!

Bernard: Grrrrrr

While these two are being meat heads, let's get on to our next question. This one is from **Hotarukiryu **who asks: Hello again to everyone. I have a dare for Bernard, I dare him to act like Paul morlock from kingdom hospital for one episode. Jack I hope you like snow miku. That's all I have for now.

Yeah multi-tasking! Bernard, you must act like Paul Morlock while arm wrestling Jack.

Bernard: Well seeing as he is an anti-social ghost with violent outburst, this should be easy enough. I'm gonna KILL YOU JACK! Someone give me a lighter!

Jack: You don't scare me.

Bernard: Keep in mind that, seeing as I'm dead I have nothing to lose.

Jack: Oh lord.

Bernard: Death to your immortal soul!

Okay so Bernard is REALLY getting into character so we're gonna give him some space. Onto the next. **Seiara** asks: This is quite an intresting show you have here. I like The Santa Clause movies. Specially the 3rd movie with Jack Frost. Yes,I'm another Jack Frost fan. I'm glad to hear Jack won the most fans contest. Bernard, Your an Awesome Elf too, don't get me wrong. Now...my first question goes to...Jack! If you had a chance to be the leader of the North pole again, would you? What would you do diffrently?

Jack? Care to answer?

Jack: Of course I would be leader again. I think I was doing a pretty dang good job of it. And as for what I would do, I would hire better body guard who at least reach 5 feet tall.

Okay so that wraps up today's show…almost. I recall promising that when we hit our 5oth review mark we would celebrate! Let's PARTY!(Confetti falls to the ground and music begins to play)

Thank you for the reviews and what not. Remember to please vote for either Scott or Neil than either Bernard or Jack. Afterwards, vote for who's gonna win the arm wrestling match. That's all for now. I'm Animanizanny, and this is Christmas Tells ALL! G'night everybody!

Bernard: Die!

Go Paul Morlock! Toodles.


	14. Took us long enough

Hello and welcome again to another fantastic addition to everyone's favorite story, Christmas Tells ALL! This is the place to get all the juicy details on all your favorite cast members. But, of course, you new that.

Everyone: She LIVES!

Santa: Someone hit her with a mallet!

Ha! Nice try! This close to Christmas, I think it's time to bring the story back. I think everyone's waited long enough. Sorry about that by the way.

Jack: Not as sorry as we're going to be.

Carol: Let's get this going. I have a hair appointment at three.

Cool yer jets people. Okay so enough blabbing away. Last time we had a rap battle and an arm wrestling competition where you lovely fans got to vote on the best of the best…and the worst of the worst. Our rap battle was between first Neil and Santa and then Jack and Bernard. We'll announce the winner after all the requests are done and the final epic rap battle shall commence! And as for Bernard and Jack's wrestling match, how's it going boys?

Bernard: I hate life!

Jack: My arm is pudding!

Yeah…maybe making them arm wrestle the entire time this addition was on hold was a bad idea. But I give you both A's for endurance! Now on to our first fan. Please welcome, **Anna**! She says: I vote for Neil, Jack and Jack. Neil owned Santa and Jack always owns Bernard. It is what it is. I can think of nothing else to write so...bye!

Okay! We'll chalk up your vote for the end of the episode. Thank you! Next awesome fan is **Swedish **who asks: I have to agree with Anna. My vote is the same as her's. However, I do have a dare. I dare Mother Nature to counsel Laura and Carol on their marriages to Scott. You decide what questions are going to be asked. Oh-and make Freddy have a cameo somewhere in the fic! Please?

MN: Alright ladies, let's sit down and talk about our feelings hm?

Laura: I live with a psychiatrist. This is like a pair of comfortable shoes for me.

Carol: How lovely.

MN: Okay so Laura, how do you feel about Scott?

Laura: It's completely over. I'm happily married and not in the least bit jealous of Carol.

MN: I didn't ask that.

Laura: Well I'm not! I mean, why would I be mad that I left my idiot husband and then he turns into this MAGICAL being that's so full of love and wonder? Why would I be jealous of Carol because Scott is giving her everything I could never have with him? It's because you're blond isn't it?

Carol: O.O

MN: I think it's time to calm down…

Laura: I don't need to calm down. I'd rather be with Freddy Krueger than with Scott!

Freddy: Well hello ladies.

MN: Good heavens! I'd better be getting paid over time for this.

(I do not own Freddy Krueger or any of his awesomeness. He's here just to have some fun and is not under contract)

Freddy: Right. Some FUN. (Flicks his knifed hand) I believe I was requested. So Mother N, I'll take over from here.

MN: Fine with me.

Freddy: Okay um, Laura I see you have some built up anger. Have you ever considered assassination?

Laura:…

Freddy: You're absolutely right. Costs too much. How about you just do the job yourself?

Laura: What are you-

Freddy: I think you know. Here's my card. I'll be in your dreams. (Winks and disappears)

Carol: I'm….leaving now.

Whoa. Okay so while Carol tries to save her behind, let's move on to our next fan request. This one comes from **Snow Miser's Lady **who asks: Neil definitely beat Santa, and Jack's a boss. He would win the arm wrestling and he totally won the rap battle. Mother Nature, you crafty she-devil. Off to the hellhounds with you! I'm just kidding. I have to give you props for using a loophole. Mother Nature, are you a fan of Barbossa or something? That was a Barbossa move. On the bright side, Jack, I will celebrate your holiday every leap year. Okay. On another strange note, due to fellow reviewers' lovely dares, I dare for the guys to engage in a Yo Mama jokes contest

MN: No I am not familiar with Barbossa. I'm just cool like that. (winks)

Oh boy! Mama jokes! Okay so boys, this is all you. That means Scott, Charlie, Bernard, Curtis, Jack, and Neil get up here! Santa, start us off!

Santa: Jack, your mama so fat that when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up.

Jack: Santa, your mama so ugly Bob the Builder looked at her and said , "I can't fix that!"

Bernard: Curtis, your mama so ugly it looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Curtis: Oh yeah well, your mama so ugly…that she's fat too!

Bernard: ….NEIL your mama so old when I told her to act her own age she died.

Neil: Yeah well Charlie, your mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

Laura: NEIL!

Neil: OOPS! I mean, I love you dear!

Charlie: Your mama so stupid she gave birth to you Neil. (Falls over laughing)

Okay I think that's enough. All yo mama's are going to kill you after that! Now onto our next wonderful request/ question! This one comes from none other than **Hotarukiryu **who asks us: Nice loved the head elf acting as morlock. Jack why don't you ask princess snow to help you a bit? I hope you all had a happy halloween.

And a happy Halloween/ late Thanksgiving/ early Christmas to you!

Jack: That's a great idea! Help me princess!

Good luck. On to the next caller. Ha! I sound like a talk show! Okay anyways, welcome **Rosebud5** who asks: To my good friend Bernard,Hey there! It's Rosey again. So I was thinking to myself just today "Self, Bernard has the coolest hair of anybody ever. I'd sure like to know how he keeps it so awesome and curly." And so here I am asking you. Hurrah! I hope you are doing well and your concussion is healing. If not, I'd get it looked at by a doctor. Just a friend and fellow Christmas fanatic,Rosey

Bernard: Aww thanks for the concern but I'm feeling much better. Apparently all it took was a warm mug of cocoa. As for my hair, it's always been this curly. The only tricks I have are to use a wet comb and not a hairbrush because it makes my hair extremely frizzy and a hat looks good to tame the top a bit.

Jack: And that was Bernard, the most feministic elf this side of Elfsburg! Come get your special hair advic now ladies!

Bernard: How did I know you couldn't keep your big mouth shut?

Jack: Just a lucky guess I suppose salt lick.

Okay boys I'm getting sick of this constant fighting like preteen girls! One more outburst and I'm canceling the arm wrestling match and having you both tied and put in separate rooms!

Bernard: Can't wait. Can we just get this chapter over with so I can go back to my happiness?

Curtis: Since when are you happy?

Curtis that counts for you too.

Curtis: Aww.

Okay before heads start rolling, let's welcome our next guest. Please say hello to **Aquette Calvin. **

Everyone: Hello **Aquette Calvin**

Welcome and before we answer your awesome questions I have one of my won. How do you pronounce Aquette? It sounds pretty awesome the way I'm saying it but it's probably not right either. Okay so **Aquette Calvin** asks us: hey ya'll! im new i know, but i read all of these and just about died laughing! you guys are so awesome although i have to give props to the author she rocks :). anyways i am such an overly obsessed SC fan, i have actually memorized The Santa Clause, like the actual Clause. ya i know im weird. so... my question for anyone who can answer: who came up with the clauses? and when were they created?also, a question for scott (love ya santa3): if you had a daughter what would you name her? because i have set up a story i play with my friends and in it... well my OC happens to be your daughter. Aquette Calvin... but ya just curious what you would name a your little girl should you have and jack, you suck, just sayin.

Santa: Well if you think Jack sucks then you are welcome to the family any day of the year!

Jack: HEY!

Thanks(blushes) I try to be a good and kind host. Isn't that right?

Everyone: (Backs away slowly. )

Bernard: I can answer the clause question.

Have at it.

Bernard: The clauses were created following the very first Santa to come to the north pole. We all realized how important this was to have a deliverer for our gifts and the legendary council came up with a back up plan(the first clause), and an assurance(the second clause). We needed to make sure that Santa was not only to be replaced in emergency but that he was happy with the possibility of children also to pass on the generation. As for the Escape Clause, that came later on when our 24th Santa came along. It was one of the closest things to pure destruction that all of Elfsburg had ever seen. The man went insane under the pressure, started doing terrible things to the elves, and the legendary figures held a meeting to find a way to rid themselves of the Santa without pushing him off a roof. So they hatched the Escape Clause and the vile Santa was tricked into holding the snow globe. Let's just say it didn't take much for him to say he wished he had never become Santa.

Wow. That's some crazy stuff!

Santa: I didn't even know half of that!

MN: It's true. Those were dark days for the legendary figures.

Santa: Okay so If I had a daughter I'd name her Frankie.

Carol: Frankie? No way would I ever name our daughter Frankie. I'd like something sweeter, like Evangeline.

Santa: Way too frilly.

Carol: Well we certainly wouldn't name her FRANKIE!

Santa: Well we aren't naming her Evangeline either.

Okay you two. Settle it in marriage counseling with Neil later. Right now it's time for our next question. **Agathanancy98** asks us:

Ok! You have a wonderful story! It was a great idea! I dare Neil, Scott, and Curtis to put on the Beyonce black leotards and dance and sing All The Single Ladies. I also have some questions. BTW, Scott and Carol are my favorite! :)Scott and Carol: Would you all ever have more children?Carol: What made you ready to get married so fast?Scott: What attracted you to Carol when she was such a lifeless person before? (No offense Carol, you are my favorite!)Bernard: Why do you kiss up to Santa so much?Curtis: Why would you be so dumb as to tell anyone about the Escape Clause?Jack: What is up your butt, to make you as mean as you are?Neil: Would you help me work out some issues of mine? Also, where do you get your sweaters?Charlie: Was spray painting the gym fun?Lucy: When did you first think that Uncle Scott was Santa Claus?Tha will be all my q's for now! And I vote for Jack Frost in the rap battle (even though I don't like him) and Scott! :)

Okay! We've got some awesome questions to sort through so let's get going! First, I'd like Neil, Scott, and Curtis to go put on these leotards and since Single Ladies for us.

Neil: No way I'm not doing that!

Then you won't get paid.

Neil: Where's the leotard?

Scott: Do you have any idea what I would look like in a LEOTARD?

We'll just have to wear blindfolds.

Scott: Sighs.

Neil: All the single ladies

C and S: All the single ladies

Neil: All the single ladies

C and S: All the single ladies

Neil: All the single ladies now put your hands up. Up in the club just broke up I'm doing my own little thing. Decided to dip now your gonna trip cause another brother noticed me. I'm up on him, he up on me don't pay him any attention. Cried my tears for three good years. Can't be mad at me.

All: Cause if you like it than you should've put a ring on it. If you like it that you should' a put a ring on it. Don't be mad when you see that he want it. If you like it than you should' a put a ring on it.

Yayyy you go single ladies.

Neil: I'M going to need therapy after this.

Santa: So embarrassing.

Curtis: I love this song!

Okay stop now please! Yeesh!

Carol: Well I actually wanted a girl but seeing as she'll be named FRANKIE, I'm not too sure. But I adore kids!

So the odds are…

Carol: Leaning towards yes.

Santa: WHAT?(faints)

Carol: Not again.

Next question.

Carol: I really think that it was all the just the rush of the moment that made me want to marry him. Under ordinary circumstances I would have wanted to take things slow but seeing all my childhood dreams come true and knowing that I was what could save those miracles, I couldn't help but say yes.

Santa: So you married me on a whim?

Carol: Of course not. I was already in love with you.

Awwwww.

(They hug)

Santa: What attracted me to my darling Carol was her laugh. It made my heart flutter and just like that, I was a goner. I knew she was the perfect Mrs. Claus.

Bernard, why do you kiss up to Santa?

Bernard: I do NOT kiss up to Santa.

Everyone: Yes you do.

Bernard: Grrr! You know what? Fine! No more being responsible Bernard! Take care of yourself Santa!

Santa: No! Bernard! Who'll do my job for me?

Bernard: Figure it out.

I think we just had a break through. Either that or it was something I ate for lunch. Curtis, why are you dumb?

Curtis: I'm not dumb! Honest! I told Jack about the Escape Clause because he got me angry and I didn't want to be made fun of. It's hard to be so smart and so underappreciated.

Bernard: Newsflash: you would have been more appreciated if you didn't cost us Christmas.

Curtis: Yeah right. You wouldn't like me if I saved your life.

Bernard: Huh, your right.

Jack, what IS up your butt?

Jack: That is NONE of your business you perv! I happen to like my delicious ways and you're just dumb if you don't.

Way to make the fans happy.

Jack: Forget the fans.

Neil? Care to share?

Neil: I would love to sit down and talk with you about your problems. It is my job of course. And I have my sweaters hand-knitted by my Mommy. She's so good to me.

Awesome. Mommy's rule! So Charlie, was spray painting the gym super awesome?

Carol: Yes, tell us CHARLIE.

Charlie: It was very wrong.

But did you like it?

Charlie: (whispering) It was awesome. You should try it sometime.

Carol: Charlie….

Charlie: Oh boy

Maybe you should work on your whispering. And Lucy! Hey there!

Lucy: Hello. I first thought my Uncle Scott was Santa when I was 3 and a half. I remember 'cause it was the day after Christmas and Charlie came in with his hair all messed up from the wind after staying with Uncle Scott for the night. So I asked what happened and Charlie said it was just really windy. So I quick ran outside and I swear I saw Santa riding away in his sleigh. And from then on I was sure Uncle Scott was Santa Claus.

That's awesome Lucy! Okay so questions are opver it's time to tally up the votes. Jack, you win the arm wrestlign contest.

Jack: Yeah baby!

Bernard: I don't even care anymore. Can someone get an ice pack for my arm?

And the winners for the rap battle are Jack and Neil. Rap off time!

Jack: I'm icy smooth super cool and that's the truth. I strut myself 'cause I've got nothing to loose. You're a fool, with your Mama sweaters ridin' your back and hey you loser ain't that a fact? I'm not impressed with what you possess. My abilities out top the rest. You're a sad punk with your business cards and I can't be blamed for who you are. That's life punk.

Neil: ….I give up.

Huh?

Neil: I'm not a rapper! I'm a psychiatrist!

Jack: Good plan buddy. Good plan.

Well…this was anticlimactic. I want my money back! Well until next time, you know who I am, and you know where you are. Where else are you going to find Freddy Krueger giving therapy, men in leotards, and epic rap battles? See you soon and send your reviews. Buh bye and happy early Christmas!


	15. MERRYlateXMAS!

Hello and happy holidays to all great readers and reviewers! Tis the holiday season and that of course can only mean one thing. This is Christmas Tells ALL! Here it's the Christmas season every day but to the rest of the world this sacred season comes only once a year so I guess I need to make an apology for not being able to post during the season. But we can make it up to you!

Bernard: And how to you propose we do that?

By having a new host for the next five chapters! You can vote for any cast member of the Santa Clause and they will be your joyous(and not so joyous) host for the next chapter! You can vote for the host in your reviews but you can't vote for Jack.

Jack: WHA?

You already hosted Jack and it wouldn't be fair to all the other great hosts out there. So now that you know the rules, just vote. And remember, ANYONE that was in the movies can be a host so get creative. Now, on to the reviews! Our first comes from **Aquette Calvin **who asks: frankie... wow, not the prettiest name scott... sorry. and for the author. my name is pronounced aww-Queh-et i dont know thats the best way i can describe it. but whatever way your prefer to pronounce it, that is fine, ive heard it many my next question is for curtis and bernard: how come you guys are so tall?and i have a question for everyone including all legendary figures and elves that are important (judy, abby, Quinten :D): if you could have any super power what would it be and why?and finally a quick dare: i dare carol and laura to switch lives for a week. carol lives at teh millers house and laura lives at the pole. no they dont have to do all the things the other does. and to keep it clean lets have carol and laura both sleep in guest rooms. but just to try it out living in the others world. ok thanks!

Hey that's a great name! So pretty! Better than Frankie…

Carol: I told you so.

Santa: Hey now that is NOT nice picking on the fat guy.

Get over it. Okay Bernard and Curtis why ARE you guys so huge?

Bernard: My father is half human and I gained his height in my trait.

Curtis: I just drink a lot of milk.

Wow and here I thought that the magic of being first and second elves made you guys genetically more advanced.

Bernard: Not everything is that spectacular.

Curtis: Nope.

Well you guys are boring. Okay it's now time for our next question to all including Judy, Abby, and Quentin. She was very specific about you guys.

Quentin, Abby, and Judy: Aw thanks!

Okay so if you guys could have super powers, what would they be? Santa start us off.

Santa: I would have the ability to fly.

But don't you already?

Santa: No the reindeer do. I've always been so jealous of them.

Reindeer: Hahaha

Santa: Grr.

Carol: I would have the ability to sing.

But Carol, that isn't a super power.

Carol: Um, have you HEARD my singing? Being able to sing would definitely be super.

Jack: I would give myself the ability to be super strong. Why? So I can crush my foes instead of just freeze them.

Bernard: I would have super speed so I can get everything done in the day and take a break for once.

Curtis: I would have the ability to be all knowing at everything.

Bernard: What? No comment about already being all knowing?

Curtis: Well being all knowing, I knew you'd hurt me if I said that.

Bernard: (Flicks Curtis in the ear)

Charlie: I would give myself the ability to talk to animals because I've always wanted to know what a capybara thinks about.

Neil: I would give myself super strength like Jack because I've always wanted to know what it's like to be super strong.

MN: I would have the ability to be super stretchy so I could do gymnastics. That happens to be a secret passion of mine.

Cupid: I would have the ability to melt people with my eyes. You know, if looks could kill. Ha ha …yeah.

EB: Aw Cupid took mine. I guess I'd just have the skill of martial arts on my side. You know, sort of like Batman. No powers but all the skill and fame.

Sandman: I would turn invisible so no one would catch me taking a nap.

Father Time: I'm already magical but I guess I could use the power of youth.

Power of youth?

Father Time: Please just move on.

TF: I would give myself the power to read minds so I could know what you all REALLY think of my new names. I know you like the Molinator.

MN: Uh…

Quentin: I would have the power to levitate objects on my side? Why? Because I want to make things move without getting up to get them.

Abby: I would have the ability to make the world smile. I love to see people smile.

Judy: Like Curtis, I would want to be all knowing so I could be more help around the workplace.

Abby: You already are Judy!

Judy: Oh thank you!

Okay I think that's everyone. Now on to the dare. Carol, Laura, It's time to switch it up for a whole week.

Carol: Oh boy

Laura: This is bad.

Okay see you in a week you two.

One week later…

Hello everyone it has been officially one week since we last saw Carol and Laura(if you can believe that). Let's look at the highlights of their week hm?

(TV turns on and all goes dark)

_Carol! Carol!_

_(Laura as Carol turns to elf. )_

_What's the problem here little elf?_

_I ACCIDENTALLY BAKED TINSEL IN THE COOKIE OVEN!_

_(Laura sees smoke in the distance)_

_AHHHHH! _

…

_Laura we should talk more. _

_(Carol sighs, acting as Laura)_

_About what Neil?_

_About your feelings Laura._

_Gosh you sound like a housewife Neil. _

_WE NEVER TALK ANYMORE!_

_Get away from me!_

…

Well wasn't this an informative exercise?

Okay so…next reviewer! Our next comes from….a mysterious reviewer.

Everyone: Ohhhhh ahhhhhh

Yes indeed. Okay so our super secret reviewer who's name does not wish to be revealed asks us: Bernard:who was the very first Santa?

Well sweetheart? Care to share?

Bernard: Only if you do NOT call me that!

Just playing hard to get.

Bernard: Grr… Okay our very first Santa was none other than jolly old Saint Nicholas. No really. His name was Nicholas. As a young child, Nicholas's rich parents died of illness and left him with a grand fortune with which he did not know what to spend it on. Wandering aimlessly through the woods one day, he stumbled upon a traveling elf who told him about the wonders of toy making back at his village, Overjoyed, Saint Nicholas followed the kind little man back to his village and saw how desperately the children elves needed nourishment and warm houses. Nicholas was told of the tragic tale that the elves only wanted to make children toys to play with but each elf that went off to find a village of children was attacked by wolves on their way there. And so, Saint Nicholas realized his calling and what to spend his grand fortune on. He invested in the elves villages, eventually moving them to the north pole for added protection and became a jolly representation to all who knew him. He brought toys to children and cheer to lives everywhere.

Jack: Wow that was truly a historical and magical-zzzzzzzzz

Abby: Well I for one found it very informative. You're very smart Bernard

Bernard: Wow um, thanks Abby. (blushes modestly)

Okaaaaay so on to our next wonderful reviewer. This one comes from the wonderful **chrismas tree 62 **who asks us: curtis why was the toy santa so creepy? neil do you still have your wenie whistle? bernard is there any food you hate? jack I dare you to sing frosty the snow man

Curtis: I really don't know why toy Santa was so creepy looking. I mean, I programmed him to look just like Santa but…I just don't know. Maybe a glitch?

Right. A glitch. Okay Neil, do you have your weenie whistle?

Neil: Of course I do! That will be my most treasured gift for always! Although the thrill of blowing the dang thing wore off in about 4 and a half seconds.

Bernard: Foods I hate? I absolutely despise green bean casserole. Yuck!

Yeah that's nasty. And what about you Jack? Are you gonna sing for us?(snickers)

Jack: I had better be getting paid for this! I am so humiliated! Frosty the Snowman, was a jolly, happy soul. With a corncob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal. Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale they say. He is made of snow but the children know how he came to life one day. YUCK!I hate that (bleep) song!

Well now. That is no excuse for such language!

Jack: Whatever. Where's my check?

Uh…hey it's time for the next request! Our next comes from **Santa Clause Fan **who asks us: Hey this question is for Benard,.. Sorry if it's already been asked but it's been on my mind. In the first Santa Clause you told Scott that if the other Santa fell of your roof and you put on the coat then your the big guy,.. but my question is, what if Scott had been a woman?

Bernard: Oh that's simple…..hmmmm…huh.

What?

Bernard: I don't know.

You don't know?

Everyone: (Dramatic gasp!)

Bernard: The history of Santa's have always been males. We just never had a woman become Santa. I suppose she would become the next Santa but…

Santa: Well that would be interesting.

Let's just hope you don't get your job stolen by a girl scout and we won't have to figure this out. Okay next question/ dare! Our next comes from the always great to have, Snowkissa who asks: Ok, first of all Jack: you're one to talk about hair tips, okey? I bet a certain someone spends HOURS making his hair as FROSTY as possible. Bernard just has natural awesome curly hair. I think I sense a bit of jealousy in the air! :P And second: I dare EVERYONE to make Christmas poems :) Love you all! Even Jack, because I like winter :))

Jack: Hey I am NOT jealous of that pointy-eared freak!

Bernard(chuckling): Typical denial. Poor sad Jack.

Jack: I swear if this wasn't a children's segment…I'd-

Bernard: You'd WHAT? Sing Frosty the Snowman again?

CALM DOWN! We have a show to finish up here and then you guys can go your separate ways! Can't we all make peace during the Christmas season?

Santa: I agree. Let's love and be joyous during the giving season. To be happy and loved is the greatest reason.

There you go Santa, starting us off! Everyone give a poem!

Carol: In winter's bite and snow's sharp cold, Christmas is a warmth a lifetime old.

Bernard: Working hard all year long, makes for a happiness that's pure and strong.

Curtis: To be an elf is grand and new, to see a child's wish come true.

Jack: Icy cold and bitter winds fills me with great thrills and grins.

Neil: The lights are aglow and the fire is warm, our Christmas is grand in our own home.

Charlie: The gift of giving this holiday time is a perfect way to end this rhyme.

Yay what a great dose of Christmas love and cheer! That should be great enough to make us all stop fighting now right?

Bernard: What do you say Jack? Let bygones be bygones?

Jack: Yeah right.

Sigh. Okay I tried. Let's just move on to our next reviewer. This one comes from **Whooligan** who sends us: Hello all! This story is awesome- As soon as I found it I sat down and read it all in a day. :) So I'd like to say that Bernard is amazing, and is obviously the best character here. Jack... Ugh. I feel the only reason people like him is his frosty hair-which is kinda cool- but Bernard has those amazing curls that you have to love. You know what, I change my previous statement. The elves are the coolest, with the exception of Curtis. Bernard is still the best, but all the elves rock. Anyway...So I actually do have some questions for the cast here. First off, Bernard: What happened to your awesome Brooklyn accent? You had it in the first movie, and I melted. But it vanished in the second! Don't worry, you were still awesome... But where'd it go?Second: Curtis, where the heck did you come from? The first movie had great elves, and Bernard didn't have to worry about strangling you. Then the second movie pops up and BAM! Your immediately sucking up to Santa, pissing Bernard off, trying to steal his job, and being overall annoying. And in the third movie- Bernard, you trusted CURTIS as head elf? I never thought you'd have such a lapse of logic. Heck, the whole movie I was worried you were tied up and thrown in a closet somewhere because Curtis had tried to overthrow you! You should've left Judy or Quinton in charge of you needed a break. But I digress... I had a challenge as well. Well, a few challenges. I've seen alot of tension between three characters mostly here- Bernard, Jack, and Curtis. Here's what I'd like to see: Bernard, I know you aren't a fighter but all that pent-up anger will have horrible effects later down the road. Therefore I think Jack should have his powers taken for a little duel between the three of them, so they can stop this little testosterone battle and calm down. Then, because I don't believe that'll be enough, I'd like the three of them to sit down with Neil and have a little therapy session. Oh, and since Jack will go ahead and ruin their peace next episode... I think that in the next episode after this dare Jack shouldn't be allowed to talk except to answer questions. And even then he can't have any smart comments... And everytime he disobeys that order Bernard gets to slap him. Sound good, Bernard?Oh, and I almost forgot! Bernard- Just curious, but do you happen to be good at math? ;)

Wow we've got a lot to go through here! Let's start with Bernard's question. What happened to your Brooklyn accent?

Bernard: I had a Brooklyn accent? Gosh where was I?

Santa: It's true you did. A very intimidating Brooklyn accent.

Bernard: Well…I guess I grew out of it? I'm sorry.

Curtis: What do you mean where did I come from? I am the second -in-command! I was DESTINED to be part of this! I-

Bernard: Just shut up and tell the reviewer how you ruined my life!

Curtis: Excuse me?

Santa: Curtis…

Curtis: Fine. I wasn't in the first movie because I was only 200 years old and considered a baby in elf years. I became 'number two', so to speak, when I graduated as valedictorian in elf school and had my genius recognized by the man in red. I am awesome.

Santa: The REAL reason I hired Curtis was to give Bernard some easy time so he wasn't one-hundred percent relied on. I guess that sort of backfired.

Curtis: Why does everyone hate me?

Bernard: As for leaving Curtis to do my job, let me just clear this up for everyone. I did NOT intend to allow Curtis to be the head elf. He was only to handle the small simple tasks I do everyday while the elves finished up their duties. Apparently, even that was too much for the little pea brain.

Curtis: I hate everyone.

Well that's great Curtis!

Curtis: No it's not.

I mean it is because you guys get to fight about your hatred.

Jack: YES!Bernard: No.

And Jack you can't comment.

Jack: But-

Nope. Not at all.

Bernard: I'm liking this now.

I know you don't fight much but this will make you feel better. Now let's get ready to RUMBLE!(Bernard, Curtis, and Jack have a snowball fight to the death)

Just kidding. No one dies. But I think they've calmed down now.

Bernard: Y-yeah.

Curtis: (Gasping) I think I coughed up my lung!

Jack: …

Neil: And now it's time for therapy!

Bernard: Again? Why does everyone think I need therapy?

I'm not answering that.

Curtis: Neither am I. I've decided to try and be nicer.

Bernard: Me too.

That's great but you're still doing it.

Bernard: Aw come on!

Neil: Jack why are you so mean to Bernard? And I don't want any sarcasm.

Jack: He annoys me. Along with everyone else on this stupid planet being all happy. It's disgusting.

Neil: Okay. And Curtis, why are you so intent on stealing Bernard's job?

Curtis: It isn't just Bernard that's the problem here! I just want to be recognized. It could have been any elf who was the head elf and I would still be jealous. I just want people to appreciate me like they do to Bernard.

Neil: I see…and Bernard? Why are you so hard on Curtis and mean to Jack?

Bernard: I'm hard on Curtis because he's a goofball and he's always trying to steal my career. It's the only truly wonderful thing I have and I don't want anybody jeopardizing it. As for Jack, well he's a jerk and I don't tolerate rude people.

Jack: (opens mouth to retort but quickly closes it)

Neil: Okay I've come to the conclusion that Jack's problem is that he is bitter and hates happiness because he lacks his own, Curtis is unappreciated in his career, and Bernard is miserable and loves his job because it is the only thing that gives him fullfillment.

Bernard: Oh thanks

Neil: No problem. Here's my bill. (Hands Bernard bill)

Bernard: What? This is ridiculous!

Neil: This is therapy. It isn't free. Good day everyone.

Wow I'm glad we have this all figured out. Everyone happy now.

Bernard: I'd be happier if I didn't have to sell my house to pay for this bill.

Oh well too bad.

Bernard: At least I get to slap Jack if he acts out. Yay!

Jack: (gives Bernard a deathly look)

Bernard: Oh and by the way, I will say that I'm pretty good at math. I'm not the next Einstein but I can add 2 plus 2.

WOW I wish I could do that! Smarty… okay our next question comes from **SuperbirdStreetRacer** who asks us: Hey! This is an awesome show! I've watched every episode! I have a big dare! I dare everyone to sing Come on Christmas by Matthew West, and I dare Bernard to sing the lead. =D (btw, Jack, you have to sing too.)

Oh I'm excited for this! Hit it Bernard!

Bernard: It's almost Christmas time, everybody and I can't wait. I left the lights up all year 'round. I just couldn't bear the thought of takin' 'em down. I've been singing "Jingle Bell Rock" since July. All the neighbors look at me like I'm crazy but I got a feeling that I just can't shake . You see it's lasted three hundred sixty four days. And now I'm too excited, I can't sleep a wink and I stare at the snow outside my window just thinkin'

Everyone(Including Jack): Come on, Christmas. I don't kn ow why you're taking so long, Christmas. Well, I've been waiting all year for you to get hee and I can't take another second, can't you hear me beggin'? Hurry up, Santa Claus Here's my number just in case your reindeer get lost. I sure wouldn't mind, if you're early this time. So, come on, come on, come on, Christmas…

Jack: Come on Christmas!

WOW yeah! Go Jack!

Jack: Shut up.

Bernard: (slaps Jack across the face)

Jack: You stupid-

Bernard: (slaps Jack again)

Jack: OUCH!Bernard: (Slaps Jack yet again)

Senseless violence. Kinda funny huh? Haha! Don't worry Jack, you'll be fine. You don't need to put ice on your face cause well…you ARE ice.

Jack: (Glaring)

Anyways, on to our last for today! This one comes from **Icewine Rose **who asks us: Hillo everyone! I must say for people who didn't want to be parts of this at the beginning, you've all really gotten into it. I have a ton of questions bouncing around my head and making a huge mess of the organized chaos that is my ADHD brain. Here they are (P.S. These questions are for any who can answer.): 1. who was the worst Santa in your opinion and why? 2. In the movies, all the elves have said that they aren't kids, and true, compared to humans you're not. But are you children compared to other elves or are you stuck looking like children for years and years and years? This is a comment for Jack. In that review a while back from the girl who lives in Texas, you responded saying that you'd freeze Texas (where I live too) anyway. My comment: bring it on! True, it would create chaos on the streets, but if you had seen my high school class when it was barely flurrying (as in so small the video I got doesn't have any visible snow on the screen), you'd see that more people would be happy with the snow. Also, Texans are tough. We may be used to warmer weather, but we can deal with all kinds of c*** that life throws at us. There's a sign I find awesome that has two pistols on it and it says "We don't dial 911". Epic! This questions is for Bernard. In my fanfiction, there's an inside joke about the color of your shirt. I'd like to hear what you actually think the color of your shirt is. I have one dare that's so random. I'm a huge Les Miz fan, and the fact that it's back on tour and coming to Texas in January is 2nd only to Christmas! :D. Okay, enough backstory. My dare is to have everyone sing "One Day More", and Animanizanny can choose the roles as I'm too lazy to do so. (P.S. If you have no idea what Les Miserables is, it's a book by Victor Hugo and a Musical that is the best thing to hit the stage. Actually, it's technically an opera, but everyone calls it a musical. Go figure. Probably because it sounds more like a musical than fat ladies in viking costumes. If you haven't heard/seen it GO SEE IT NOW 'CAUSE IT'S THAT GOOD!) Also, Charlie, you should do drawings for a newspaper or something, cause the spray paint stuff you did was really good artwork, but it would have been better if it was on paper or on a wall with permission. Have you ever considereed doing editorial comics or something? Thanks for reading, even if you don't use my review. Bye!

Okay to start us off, who was the worst Santa?

Bernard: I'm gonna have to say the fourth…or was it the fifth? His name was Francis Lee, other wise known as Santa Claus.

Why was he worst?

Bernard: He used to drown himself in cocoa the day before Christmas eve and on two occasions he lost the naughty and nice list.

Santa: I've heard about him. For shame!

Next question.

Abby: The elves that work at the pole range from children to adult elves. They range from ages 700 to infinity. Elves don't die. About the question of looking like kids forever, when an elf reaches their 1800th birthday, they mature to look about the age of a teenager. You won't see many of them however because that is generally when elves find a spouse and open a business in Elfsburg. Not everyone though. So I guess that some are considered children but not what you would think of as a child. For example, a 2 year old for a human is a 200 year old in elf years.

Charlie: Wow. That's just…wow. How old are you Abby?

Abby: You never ask a girl that.

Okay next is a total burn on Jack.

Jack: (Raging in silent fury)

If Jack could speak he'd probably use a lot of verbal profanity to I'm kinda glad he can't haha. But way to go Texans!

Bernard: the color of my shirt? I'm pretty sure it's maroon but I heard somewhere that males tend to be color blind. I still think it's maroon or at the very least red.

Okay now on to the best thing ever! For all Les Miz fans, it's time for 'One Day More'.

Bernard: One day more, Another day, another destiny, This never ending road to Calvary; These men who seem to know my crime Will surely come a second time, One day more... Santa: I did not live until today, How can I live when we are parted? Bernard: One day more... Santa and Carol: Tomorrow you'll be worlds away, And yet with you, my world has started. Abby: One more day all on my own Santa & Carol: Will we ever meet again? Abby: One more day with him not caringSanta & Carol: I was born to be with you. Abby: What a life I might have known Santa and Carol: And I swear I will be true

Abby: But he never saw me there.

Curtis: One more day before the storm!

Santa: Do I follow where she goes?

Curtis: At the barricades of freedom

Santa: Shall I join my brothers there?

Curtis: When our ranks begin to form.

Santa: Do I stay? Do I dare?

Curtis: Will you take your place with me?

All: the time is now, the end is near.

That's all you're gonna get to see unless you want to look it up yourselves I'm afraid. Our next and last question for Charlie…

Charlie: Thanks! I'm really into art things and such. I'll consider being an editorial artist. I appreciate my fans!

Haha well that's all for now. I hope you can all forgive me for the terrible wait and I hope everyone had a very merry christmas and I hope you review and blah blah blah. Toodles!


	16. Suprise! I'm not dead!

…

Santa: Gee, it's been a really long time since we've been tormented!

Carol: Yeah it's kind of great. How are you Jack?

Jack: …

Santa(laughing): He still can't talk until the end of the next episode. Poor guy.

Bernard: Or else I can physically abuse him. Which, under any normal circumstances, would be a bad thing but Animanizanny kind of messed with my head. I'm glad to see that this whole mess is probably over.

Everyone:…

Bernard: I have a feeling that I just ruined everything.

SURPRISE!Bernard: Gah! (has heart attack)

Um…oops. Haha. I bet you all missed me like crazy.

Curtis: Oh no! Run!Shut up! So yeah I'm kind of embarrassed. First off I would like to apologize to everyone who has kept up with my story up until now. Due to events that are not under my control, I had temporarily delayed my writing.

Curtis: Not under your control? I bet you were just lazy!

See, this is why no one likes you.

Curtis: Aw

So anyways, let's get this whole thing set up and ready to go! First off, after checking the reviews, it looks like Bernard and Lucy are our host. Once he's breathing again. I'm sure Bernard will be super happy!

Bernard: (Gasp) where am I?

Hiya cutie!

Bernard: AHHHHHHH!

You're the host along with Lucy Which means I'm leaving to get my nails done. And before I go, I'd just like to remind everyone to pick the next host in your reviews and it can't be Bernard, Jack, or Lucy. Have fun and enjoy!

Lucy: YAY! I feel loved!

Bernard: Um…okay. This is just too weird. So I guess I'll just bring out the reviews…first comes from **keacdragon **who says: Cool! I vote Bernard to host an episode!

Bernard: Well…that's awesome. Thanks for voting and making me host. Not much more I can really do with that so…next review. This one comes from **Aquette Calvin** who asks: hmm, interesting answer to the tallness question, i also thought it had something to magic of being 1st and second elf. but whatever floats your , so... just to annoy and confuse bernard, you know that question about what if scott was a girl? well in my story "holly jolly christmas" my character Aquette, is santa haha it was strange to figure that out but fun. oh and also to make curtis feel more "appreciated" in my stories you have taken over as head elf (sorry bernard, you're now head of security)oh and to really bug jack (cause i hate you a lot)you were killed awhile ago in my story... haha sorry (not really)ok now that im done getting on people's nerves, off to questions!first, i think lucy (who hasnt been on a lot) should host, cause shes , a question for anyone who can answer, how big is elfsburg?third, another one for anyone who cares to answer, does the set up of the pole change with each santa? cause in the first movie it was differnt then the next two , i dare charlie to sing "i saw mommy kissing santa claus" cause i always thought that was lastly, since i dont really care for curtis all that much, i dare him to lick an icicle and have it stick to his tongue and then sing santa ! and have fun!

Lucy: Oh boy a long one! Thanks for voting for me! I feel really great to be here again since I really don't get put on here all that much.

What the sass missy!Lucy: No way, that's what makes me cute.

Bernard: Now hold on a minute, a girl is Santa? (Headache) And what do you mean I'm not head elf? Are you MAD woman? Curtis will ruin everything!Lucy: Bernard I think you need a chill pill. It's only a story. Sorry she killed you Jack.

Jack: (shrugs)

Bernard: Apparently he's lost all will to live. I'm beginning to feel the same way. Santa would you like to answer the next questions?

Santa: Sure. Elfsburg is about the size of the state of Maine. It's small for a community but large for a village. And the set up of the pole doesn't change due to a different Santa, the elves just like to remodel every year to keep things bright and exciting.

Charlie: Well…this is kind of awkward but I suppose I'll sing…(clears throat) I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night. She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep; she thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep. Then, I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus underneath his beard so snowy white. Oh, what a laugh it would have been if daddy had only seen mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.

Laura: That was…interesting Charlie.

Neil: Grr.

Bernard: (snickering) Okay Curtis go lick an icicle.

Lucy: (laughing) Yay!

Curtis(sticks tongue to icicle) my tongue ith numb!… Thanta baby, thip a thaddle unda da twee for me. I've been a awfuwy good girl. Thanta baby, huwy down da timney tonight!

Everyone laughs until they pass out.

(One trip to the ER later)

Bernard: Okay that was amazing. I've been brought to the hospital twice in one hour. I'm not hoping for third.

Lucy: Okay next up, we have **Jokermask18 **who kindly asks us: Hello, I have a few questions and some dares if that's okay. Bernard: Who was the Santa directly before Scott? What was he like? How long was he Santa? I dare Carol and Mother Nature to have a burping contest.

Bernard: Wow it's great to see some intelligent questions!

Lucy: Don't be mean. Our reviewers are really nice for asking us all this.

Bernard: Yep sure. So the Santa before Scott's name was Sirius Caron. He was a moderately good Santa. The way I've always viewed the Santa's we've had is that they are like the presidents. There are some very good ones, some very bad ones, and those that we just forget about in the long run. He was in the middle. Although, he was the Santa who helped Abby perfect her hot cocoa recipe.

Abby: Yeah that was great!

Bernard: Anyways, he was Santa for about… 250 years. Not really all that long when you think about it.

Lucy: Alright Carol, MN, share us your burping skills.

(Carol and Mother nature both drink 2 liters of soda)

Carol: Burp

MN: Buurp!

Carol: Buuuuurp!

MN: BUUUUUUUUURP!

Lucy: Looks like MN won!

Carol: I'll get you next time.

MN: Doubt it.

Bernard: Okay our next reviewer is **Jokermask18** again who asks us:I also have two other dares: Jack: Give curtis a wedgie and freeze his underwear. Carol and Mother Nature have to armwrestle.

Jack: (grins evilly)

Curtis: Now hold on! How come everyone hates me so much?

Bernard: Make it painful Frost

Curtis: (runs screaming while Frost chases him)

Lucy: (leans back in an armchair) This won't take too long. Hold in there folks.

3 minutes later…

(Curtis waddles in, shivering immensely. ) W-when I'm h-head elf, you'll all be s-s- sorry!

Bernard: And Carol and MN, it looks like you will get to partake in more un-ladylike affairs.

Carol: REVENGE!

MN: Bring it sister!

(Arm wrestle until Carol wins)

Carol: YES!MN: um, my hand slipped.

Carol: Yeah right.

Lucy: Alright our next is from **Sherlock'n'Hunt **who asks us: Before I start asking questions and making dares, I want to say one thing. Curtis, although I've never seen The Santa Clause 2 or 3, I've pretty well learned how stupid you are. Just hang in there though. You'll (hopefully) mature soon enough, and then everyone will stop picking on you. =) Now for questions. Judy, can I please have your recipe for hot cocoa? It looks soooo good! Scott, has there ever been a time when you wished you weren't Santa? Bernard, I've read several stories on here where you get hurt. Have you ever really gotten hurt? Neil, where the heck do you keep getting those hideous sweaters? Ok, now for the dares. Curtis, I dare you to wear a pink prom dress for the next 4 episodes. Neil, I dare you to burn all of your hideous sweaters in the fireplace. Jack, I dare you to say 5 stupid things in a row so Bernard can smack you. That's all for now!

Curtis: I had better stop being picked on or else!Bernard: Or else what, stupid?

Curtis: Or else….never mind

Judy: Sorry but it took me hundreds of years to perfect and it's just too special to hand out. But you can keep trying your own and I'll give you some tips! Just remember, always shaken, NEVER stirred.

Scott: I believe the one time I was most sure I didn't want to be Santa was when I looked at the scale after making my New Year's resolution. I'm pretty sure I lost a bit of my ego that day.

Bernard: Actual hurt? Well there was this one time when I was nearly trampled by a reindeer. And this other time an elf split burning hot cocoa down my shirt by accident.

Lucy: Have you ever been emotionally hurt Bernard?

Bernard: I'd….rather not go into that thank you. (awkward silence)

Neil: My "hideous sweater" are a gift from my Mommy!

Lucy: Well your Mommy should be smacked!

Neil: (shocked) LUCY!

Lucy: Sorry Daddy I'm just stating a fact.

Bernard: Hey Curtis, you ready for more torment. Man, the reviewers really don't like you today!Curtis: (Still shivering from ice wedgie) I'll be right back. (comes back in a oink prom dress)

Lucy: Curtis, pink really isn't your color. I think you look more like a lilac.

Neil: (cries) Goodbye sweaters! (throws into fireplace) NOOOOO! Why must the fashionable die young?Santa: Neil, get over it….they're just sweaters.

Neil: They meant more than that to me.

Bernard: Okaaay this is getting weird. Moving on to the absolute BEST part of today's segment!Jack: You are all morons.

(smack)

Jack: I shall destroy your souls!

(Smack)

Jack: I hate every one of you lowlife creeps!

(SMACK)

Jack: OUCH! That one hurt!(SMACK!)

Jack: AHHH!(SMACK!)

Bernard: I feel great now.

Jack: (rubs face angrily)

Lucy: Our next reviewer is **Shadow7 **who asks us: First off, Bernard: you are my favorite character, mostly because you seem to be the only sane person at the North Pole these days. Therefore, I have a few questions for you. One, since I've read a few fics that show you being an avid reader, what is your favorite book? Two, what is the origin of the elven race? Most wtiters (the ones I've read at least) draw upon Norse mythology. Is that true? As for Jack *gives an extremely scary death glare* can Bernard and Judy tie him up with wrapping paper and ribbons? Oh, and then we can set Freddy on him...I'd love to see the terrified look on that frostbitten jerkass's face after that.

Bernard: Well great so meet someone with such great taste! And yes, I feel as though I'm the only sane one too. I am actually a huge book fan. I adore the classics. My most favorite book would have to be Lord of the Flies by William Golding. It's pretty disturbing just to warn you if you never read it but the immense detail and symbolizing of society being the bond of man is just so powerful in my eyes.

Everyone: Zzzzzzz

Bernard: Like I said, I'm the only true sane one here. Our elven race actually does date back to Norse mythology! I tend to read some of the fan fictions written just out of curiosity at most, and seeing that really strikes me as a shock. Some people can be quite clever.

Judy: I've got the ribbons!Bernard: Awesome I have the paper. Jack: (backs into corner slowly)

Bernard: GET HIM!

AHHHHH!…

Jack(wrapped like a Christmas bundle) !Bernard: Now….what was the second part of this dare?

Freddy: Hello my lovelies. I believe I was summoned…into the darkness of another villain's dreams? How interesting…

Jack: !

Hi I'm back! And my nails are fantastic! Oh, hey Freddy.

Freddy: Sup?

Oh nothing much. I take it everything went well.

Lucy: I love being a host! Thank you!

Bernard: Eh…it was alright. (smiles)

Well cool. I guess that's all for today folks! Again, I want to apologize immensely for not updating this sooner. Either way, I still hope you can find it in your hearts to review and make my lovely cast as miserable as always!Everyone: NOOOO!So enjoy, review, and remember to put in for your next host! By the way, Jack can talk now.

Jack: The horror, the torment! Do you have any IDEA what these IDIOTS have put me through? If I wasn't under contract, I'd…

You'd what Jack?

Jack: ARGGGH!

Curtis: Hey, I kind of like wearing a dress!

Everyone steps away.

That's…great Curtis.

Bernard: Like I said, I'm the only sane one.

Well that's it for now. Enjoy! BYE!


	17. Suprising New Hosts!

Psst….is this thing on? Hello? Hi everyone. It's me, Animanizanny. Well…I'm sure you knew that when you clicked on the story in the first place (Insert breaking of fourth wall here). I have a ton of things to say but FIRST let's round up our cast hmm…?

(Back at the village…)

Santa: It's been more than three months since Animanizanny had us locked up and tortured in nefarious ways! I'm pretty excited.

Bernard: I'm beginning to think this whole thing is finally over.

You guys always know how to jinx yourselves don't you?

Curtis: Oh no run!

No way. You're all coming back to the set because I have something "special" to give you. (grabs complete cast and runs back to set)

Thanks for coming everyone!Neil: Did we have a choice?

No. No you didn't. However, people have questions and dares and when questions and dares are asked…They will NOT go unanswered! *stands proudly*

Bernard: *mumbling* Like they did for over three months…?

Shut up I heard that! Anyways, I'm sure you're all ticked off with me so I'm ready to get to the questions and dares. But FIRST I'd like to welcome a special guest for this chapter brought from a fan herself. Please welcome **The Quirkyquizler femme18**' s character: Amber! She is the Fall Sprite and Halloween Representative thanks to a previous episode where Mother Nature kindly elected her!

Amber: Hi! Great to finally meet all of you!Mother Nature: Wonderful! I was wondering when we would get to see our Halloween rep!

Anyways, as a treat to all of you, if you have an OC that you would like to have co- host in an episode, stick their description right in your review or even just PM me. Make sure to include their personality features and BE CREATIVE. I'll be happy to make sure your character gets a chance to ask some wonderful questions to our cast!

Amber: This is so exciting. Do I get to ask questions?

You and the two other co-hosts can ask all the questions for this episode. I need a break from all this talking! *Flops down exhaustedly*

Curtis: *cough* Lazy…

For that you can go sit in the corner. *Puts Curtis in corner* So… Scott and Neil have both been requested to host so I guess my job for the day is done!

Scott: Sounds fine.

Neil: I'm hosting! *jumps up and down with glee*

Amber: I'm so excited! Okay so this first one comes from the fantastic **Jokermask18 **who asks us: Here's another question for Bernard:I am curious about a plothole surrounding the Mrs. Clause: If it has to be done,where was the Mrs Claus before Carol when Scott arrived?Also I dare Carol and Mother Nature to have a rap battle and Santa to sing "old toy trains"

Amber: That's a really good question!

Neil: I'm surprised I never wondered that myself.

Scott: Okay so this is how the Mrs. Clause works. The Santa before me did have a wife. Her name was I believe Clarissa Clause. However, when a Santa is um… "relieved" of their position, the Mrs. is sent back home where her memory is wiped clean and she is given necessary help to continue on with her life. There are times where the Mrs. will just retire and live in the Elfsburg village but it's much safer if she is brought back and her mind forgets everything. It removes the pain anyways.

Bernard: It's not that we want to do it. In fact it hurts us all to see her go…it's just that we can't risk being discovered. It's a hard time for anyone when they lose a loved one.

Amber: That's so sad… Okay so Carol and Mother Nature need to perform a…rap battle? This shou;d be interesting…

Carol: Must I really?

Scott: 'fraid so sweetie. Just do it so we can get this over with and enjoy the rest of the day.

Mother Nature: Oh I've never done this kind of thing before…doesn't rap involve a lot of spitting and cuss words?

Charlie: It's just rhyming using clever words that insult the person you are rapping against. You don't need to spit *snickers*

MN: Well…okay. *clears throat* Carol my dear why do you cheer? Your man's holiday is once a year! MY time reigns on all the seasons, from spring through winter there's kids I'm pleasing. From flower pickin' to snow ball fightin', when it comes to the power, I'm a titan. I get it where you're comin' from, that's okay. But baby the seasons are here to stay.

Carol: So you say you're the best, that you're top dog but seeing you is just looking at a hog. You demand the best you sparkle and shine but during Christmas time you're far behind. No kid cheers when Mother Nature calls, it's Christmas that provokes those trips to the mall. The glitter the shine of Christmas it's true. No kid gets a good present from you.

Amber: YAY! Animanizanny says you can pick your winner and send it in your reviews!

Neil: And now Scott has the joy of singing "Old Toy Trains"

Jack: Everyone plug their ears. This might be painful.

Amber: Watch it Jack or you'll be sorry.

Jack: I already am just having met you.

Amber: Here's the thing, no one asked for your opinion nor do they want it in the first place. So why don't you just go melt in the furnace and leave everyone alone.

Jack: *Grumbles*

Bernard: *Chuckling* I like you! *Grins at Amber*

Scott: May I sing now? Thank you! *Clears throat* (I do not own this song for the record.) _Old toy trains , little toy tracks. Little toy drums coming from a sack. Carried by a man dressed in white and red. Little boy, don't you think it's time you were in bed? Close your eyes listen to the skies. All is calm, all is well. Soon you'll hear Kris Kringle and the jungle bells, bringing old toy trains, little toy tracks. Little toy drums coming from a sack. Carried by a man dressed in white and red. Little boy, don't you think it's time you were in bed? Close your eyes, listen to the skies. All is calm, all is well. Soon you'll hear Kris Kringle and the jingle bells bringing old toy trains, little toy tracks. Little toy drums coming from a sack. Carried by a man dressed in white and red. Little boy, don't you think it's time you were in bed? _

Amber: *clapping* That was lovely!

Carol: Beautiful honey.

Santa: Thanks. Okay our next reviewer is the always lovely **Aquette Calvin** who asks us: aww, i was hoping to get a better reaction out of jack. oh well. sorry bernard, curtis is head elf, although not many people other than like... judy and abby, like him... :) and yes santa is a girl and it works nicely, kind of. dont worry i plan to fire curtis in the future, you might get ur job back...ok! i think neil and scott should both host at some point, maybe questions!how many elves are there and what are their range of ages?why are elf ears pointy? (i dont think thats been asked right?)how many elves were there when it started?why isnt there a legendary figure for halloween? or st patricks day?also i dare curtis to be an obedient servant to bernard for the next three shows and cannot sass or backtalk him unless another dare says he can. (that was to make you feel better bernard ;) )

Bernard: That is a very different view on things. I have never in all my years as head elf seen a woman Santa. Not of course that a woman couldn't do the job. It's just very unique. And THANK YOU! Please fire Curtis soon!

Neil and Scott: Thanks for voting! It's nice to be appreciated.

Bernard: How many elves? Hm…let me just consult the big book of records…*Reads* when the elf colony was first established, there were 17 names accounted for. However, there may have been others. Just think how we could jump so drastically from 17 to well, MILLIONS!

Curtis: Nerd. As for the elf having pointy ears thing…I really don't know. Why do we?

Bernard: *Shrugs* dominant gene? Why do some dogs have pointy ears and some have floppy ears? It's just the way we were born I guess. Sorry I don't have a better answer.

Amber: I can answer the Halloween question because I'm the answer ha ha. I guess the reason that the Legendary Council didn't have a Halloween figure for so long was because no one wanted the job. Or they didn't want to deal with Mr. Frost bite.

Jack: Shut up girly I'll freeze you and ship you to the Arctic!

MN: THAT'S ENOUGH! Jack you will NOT threaten a member of the council! That is of the highest level of crime.

Jack: She started it!

MN: Well I'm ENDING it! And the reason we don't have a member for St. Patrick's day is because leprechauns are immensely hard to find and they prefer to work their holidays alone. I therefore respect their decisions to be independent.

Neil: and Curtis is now Bernard's servant for this episode and the next two after that!Bernard: YES!

Curtis: Wha...? NO!Bernard: Oh servant, I'd like it if um…geez I can't think of anything I want him to do!

Scott: *Whispers*

Bernard: *Grinning* Curtis I want you to clean all of the reindeer stables.

Curtis: *whimpers then leaves with bucket and broom*

(Cue cheering from all the stable workers): We're free! YAYY!

Amber: And our next reviewer is the great **Sherlock'n'Hunt** who asks us:

Hahaha, Jack, I feel the need to be evil again. No talking in this episode or the next one. Curtis, you look lovely in a dress...*snickers*...and I really don't know...*snickers*...why anyone is making fun of you...*gives up trying to hold back laughter and rotfl* ANYWAY...Judy, I definately understand about the cocoa thing, but some tips would be great. Neil, you look much better without those hideous sweaters. Astalavista for now! D

Curtis: *cleaning stables* Oh yeah real nice! Kick an elf while he's down.

Bernard: No talking. You'll wake up the reindeer.

Curtis: *bits tongue to refrain from snappy comment*

Judy: I'm glad you understand. And some great tips would be to make sure you stir up the chocolate so it doesn't all sink to the bottom. And if you choose to put whipped cream like I always do, a sprig of peppermint is an EXCELLENT touch that will give it a professional look and a nice flavor that your friends and family will love.

Neil: Wow Judy you should be on a cooking show. And I do NOT appreciate the comment on my "hideous sweaters"! I looked cool like that and you know it!

Lora: Sweetie, no you didn't.

Neil: Even my own WIFE is against me! Curse you fashion world!

Scott: The next dare is from **SuperAwesome4444** who asks us:

Hola everyone! As you can probably tell, I'm new here, but I'll start right off by causing some chaos. XD Personally, Neil, I love your sweaters! And you get 5 more courtesy of me. Jack, what makes you such a jerk? Curtis, love the dress. Jack, freeze it. Ane Bernard, as everyone is yet to find out, I have quite a fetish for whumping my fav characters, and I was somewhat disappointed by your answer to Sherlock'n'Hunt's question. So, for a little whump, I dare you to do something crazy until you break your leg. Sorrehh. Oh, and one more thing, Scott, you make a great santa! XDNeil: THANK YOU! At least SOMEONE has a respect for good fashion!

Curtis: Thank you! Wait what?

Jack: *freezes dress*

Curtis: SO c-cold!

Bernard: Why would you do that? Aw…excuse me while I go…scare the reindeer.

(One reindeer stampede later)

Bernard: *Hobbles in with leg cast* Happy now?

Scott: Thanks so much! I like to think of myself as a good Santa and I appreciate it when people say things like that.

Amber: And now on to our last reviewer for the day and my reason for being here, **The Quirkyquizler femme18**! My creator asks us: -waves while holding a bottle of cider with a wide grin-hi guys! me, Quizler again!...before i do my dares, questions, etc, i wanna make a quick shout out ta Icewine Rose fer her comment ta Jack in chappie 15! XD thanks hun fer tha notable mention of me, 'tha girl who lives in texas' ! glad ta know our wonderful and caring host Animanizanny isnt tha only one who agrees with me! -grins deviously as i chuckle-hehe..which reminds me..got some new..choice phrases..fer Snowflake! as well as a dare that's more of a suggestion for our wonderful authoress Animanizanny! the dare: you must choose anyone of your choosing and put their name in the blanks provided then read this little 'joke riddle' out loud fer everyone ta hear! and no telling the joke behind it if ya already know it! XD -hands her piece of paper with the following as i snicker,holding out a pen-If you want some laughs for kicks:I have always found _Working studiously and sincerely at his/her desk withoutIdling or gossiping with colleagues. He/She seldomwastes his/her time on useless things and alwaysfinishes assignments on time. He/She is diligent athis/her official work, and can never be foundchitchatting in the kitchen. He/She has absolutely novanity in spite of his/her high accomplishment andknowledge of his/her field. I think he/she can easily beclassed as outstanding, and should on no account bedispensed with. I strongly feel that _ should bepromoted, and a proposal to administration besent away as soon as possible.-snickers with a grin-2ndly...can i ask the favor of my SC oc Amber, tha Fall Sprite and Legendary Representative for Halloween appointed by Mother Nature herself, to make a guest appearance to interview tha cast before the next Legendary Figures Council as a way to 'get to know everyone'? (when in reality, just to annoy a certain other sprite and have some fun time with everyone else )3rd is for my weak threats and petty insults adversary in tha battle of Wits, tha 'Ice-Queen' himself..-grins evilly while chuckling darkly,rubbing a hand over my cider bottle and dramatically pulls loose tha sharp pencil from behind my ear in my hair out and points to him with it-From Hence Forth Till someone insults ya in a review, I *triple dog dare* ya ta behave and act kind and caring as ya did fer tha short time Lucy had ya defrosted in tha 3rd movie ta *everyone*! *even if they insult ya ta yer face*, ya must smile politely and thank them for tha compliment!-grins more calmly slash sanely-and my 2nd and final dare is ta Curtis...as i recall abck in chappie 16 at tha end, ya said an' i quote.. -clears throat- "Curtis: Hey, I kind of like wearing a dress!"...and so..my dare to u.. -grins with a chuckle- dress in drag! but not any drag..but as...-drumroll suddenly while grinning- Dorthy Gale from Wizard of OZ Drag!.. dont worry,u dont have 2 have a basket with a black Brindle Cairn Terrier plushie if ya dont want ta..jsut need a wig that looks like Dorthy's hair style, tha light blue and white gingham dress and ruby 'slippers' as 1/2 inch low heels! oh and no make up for yer masculine pride's sake and ya can keep yer glasses -grins and takes swig of my cider bottle and waves over shoulder, intimidating Jack Sparrow's drunk swagger walk as i leave- Ta fer now ladies an' gents! Tootles!

I'm baaaack! And I choose Curtis for the letter!

Curtis: Reads letter. Wow thank you! That's so sweet!

*Snickers* Sure. Rewrites letter. Here's how it goes. I have always found Curtis idling or gossiping with colleagues. He seldom finishes assignments on time. He is diligent at chitchatting in the kitchen. He has absolutely no knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be dispensed with. I strongly feel Curtis should be sent away as soon as possible.

Curtis: Wait…what? AWW!

Jack: You dirty rotten-

Amber: Nah uh frosty. NICE!Jack: T-thank you so FREAKIN' much! *twitch*

Bernard: *smirked* Is there a problem popsicle head?

Jack: N-not at all f-f-friend! *twitch*

Curtis: *Sighs* Well since I just cleaned a reindeer stable, why not? *dresses as Dorothy* Frankly I've had worse.

Bernard: That's nice. Why don't you go take a walk around the village for me.

Curtis: What? WHY?

Bernard: Because I said so and because you're my servant for the next to episodes. GO!

Curtis: *Storms off*

I'm BACK! And now that my school's getting out soon, I'll be able to get this story back up and running, hopefully with updates at least once a week! Before we go, everyone say a great big goodbye to our wonderful guest, Amber!

Everyone: BYE AMBER!Great to have you! And as a treat, does Jack have something NICE to say?

Jack: It's been a…pleasure to have you here.

Amber: That's what I thought. Bye everyone!

Remember that if you have an OC that you would like to be a co-host in a chapter, don't be shy! The first one I get will be the co-host in the next chapter. Just be sure to give me some info on them so I can do my best! Thanks for reading and reviewing as always. You're all such great folks! Toodles!


	18. Author's note inside Please read

**Authors Note: I would like to apologize for leaving you all with my last update a long while back. I feel awful but if I could just have a second to recap my summer: I lost my Wi-Fi, got it back, dropped my laptop, got it fixed, dropped it AGAIN(all on accident), bought a new one, lost all of my stories, and now here I am. I was also nervous about updating because I've heard that it is now against the site rules to post chapters like this. However, this has been up for what? Over a year now? So I'll push my luck and toss in a new chapter. I love this fic too much to give it up that easily anyways. If it does so happen that this is against the rules and the fic is taken down, then I'm sorry. I honestly didn't know whether or not this was against the rules. Thanks for bearing with me you guys and if you decided to read this long paragraph and made it all the way here, then you are all very smart cookies. Henceforth, here have a cookie! *holds out copious amounts of cookies to people* Heh copious. My new word of the day! So enjoy the chapter and TOODLES!**

Everyone: Zzzz…..

SURPRISE!

Everyone: GAH! (Multiple heart attacks later…)

Welcome back people!

Santa: Why would you do this to us? We've been waiting for MONTHS!

Yeah well I was busy.

Bernard: (grumbling something very rude)

I love you too. (Smiles obliviously) Now on to the questions! Our first one comes from the always wonderful **keacdragon **who asks: Hi! We missed you! Lovely chapter! Hmmm...Bernard, if you had to retire, what would you do? And If Jack frost is the winter sprite, who are the sprites for the other seasons? Okay, my mind is fried, that's all for now!

Bernard: If I'm going to have to answer all of these stupid questions, I guess this one isn't so bad. I would probably end up going down into the human world and becoming an accountant…or maybe a lawyer…?

Curtis: I think he'd make a much better circus clown.

Bernard: No one asked you Curtis!

Sigh….okay Mother Nature, would you answer the next question.

MN: Well Amber (from the previous chapter) is the Fall Sprite, and I would be considered the Spring and Summer sprite I suppose. We really don't consider it in sections. Mostly we just all work together to do our jobs.

Next question! This one comes from the beautifully named **Aquette Calvin**! She asks: hey! awesome so the elf ears are still a mystery, oh well. hey can my OC host, since bernard is so intrigued by her, can my character Aquette Calvin make an appearence? she is 18 years old now, a nice girl, but she has a short temper and hates mr. frost. she gets along ok with bernard and curtis drives her insane. she loves her dad (scott calvin) and her brother charlie. she has water and ice powers on top of being santas kid so she can rival Frost. she is very sarcastic and is entertained by the torture of others. and she hates neils sweaters XD. but she loves cocoa and all the santaness perks. ok questions! so why did the mrs clause not kick in till scott had already been santa for a long time? and when did he learn about the escape clause? and now dares: i dare scott to go to like new york city, dressed as santa and just see what happens. and he cannot talk to anyonejust walk around. i also dare charlie to host a game show quiz thing with neil adn scott as contestants, seeing how much they really know about charlie. so ask them trivia questions about you charlie. and scott cant cheat using his santa knowledge. ok thats all tata for now!

Everyone, please welcome the beautiful Aquette Calvin! Because of a nice request, she will be the host for the rest of the chapter with Santa while I take a nap. Some father-daughter time is always nice.

Santa: Nice to meet you Aquette.

Aquette: Hello!

Bernard: YOU'RE Santa?!

Aquette: Santaness

Bernard: B-but that doesn't…how can this make SENSE?! (he then fainted from nonlogical overload)

Carol: Bernard needs to get with the times. Women can do anything men can do.

Abby: YEAH!

Aquette: Yay! Okay so on to questions, why did the Mrs. Clause not kick in for so long? And when did you learn about the escape clause?

Santa: Well it usually takes some time for the magic to recognize the presence of a new Santa. By the time that the affects caught up with me, I had already been there comfortably for quite some time. I think that the clause may also have been confused about my previous marriage with Laura. I'm the first Santa to have been divorced before so I suppose that the clause was confused. I learned about the escape clause about a year after I had been married to Carol. It was kind of a lot to handle at the time so I just hid it away and figured I would never use it.

Aquette: Nice. Okay so now you have to go to New York. Have fun!

In New York…

Scott(dressed as Santa): This isn't so bad…

Random Jerk: Yo fat guy give me yo sack o' dough

Santa:….(runs away with random jerk on his heels)

Later…

Santa: That was AWFUL! There's no cheer there! Just a lot of smelly people that want my wallet…

Charlie: Now it's time for the game show!

Scott: Wait what?!

Neil: I'll ace this!

Scott: Yeah just like how you aced gym class freshman year of high school. By the way Neil, you're supposed to DODGE the ball not stand there and hope it doesn't hurt too much.

Neil: Okay your all-seeing Santa powers are really getting annoying.

Charlie: Are you both done? Okay. My first question is: Last week when I forgot my lunch at home, what type of bread was on the sandwich that I forgot?

Scott and Neil: O.o…..

Aquette: I think they're both clueless Charlie.

Charlie: Shame. It was pumpernickel. You guys should have guessed that.

Neil: Pumpernickel?! But Charlie you HATE pumpernickel!

Charlie: Yeah why do you think I "forgot" it? Next question is: what color sock did I where on my left foot on the first Tuesday of last month? Keep in mind that I like to wear two different socks to "spice up" my wardrobe.

Scott: This is RIDICULOUS!

Charlie: 5 seconds….

Neil: Blue!

Scott: Orange!

Neil: Maroon!

Scott: Red!

Charlie: You're both wrong. The correct answer is….white. Come on, like I'd wear different color socks. What am I? A six year old girl?

Neil: But you said you liked to mix it up.

Charlie: Yeah by wearing one white ankle sock and one white tube sock. DUH!

Carol: Kids and their crazy fads…

Charlie: Next question…

One long trivia game later…

Charlie: And the winner is (drum roll)….NOBODY! You both know absolutely nothing about me.

Scott and Neil: (silent in utter confusion)

Aquette: Okay let's move on while they cool their brains. The next reviewer is none other than **Obsessive-Gal**, otherwise known as **Cathy**. For the sake of time, let's just put all of her reviews together into one big paragraph. Ready? Here we go:

I enjoy this show so much! And Bernard is my favorite out of all of them(No offense to my second, Jack). My question is for you,host of this show-Why are you tormenting these poor beings? They're the ones who help me cope with every day life! Bernard has been my favorite since I was little, and I would ask to watch the movie just so he could make me feel better about myself. I still love this show though, please don't be mad at me! Help! My idea for an OC character has been stolen. Not really, but it's cool that all great minds think alike. What I did want my character to be was Charlie's older sister(23, prior to movie #3) who doesnt have friends, besides her family and the elves. Take note, that my dad has the custody thing over me, with visits with mom, like the thing with Charlie. I was a beat up as a kid for believing in Santa Clause, because of my encounter with Bernard at the shopping mall while he was "Checking things out". I've had a major crush on Bernard since I was twelve,and all though I am twenty-three, I look like a sixteen year old girl, seeing as I cant grow up anymore. Enjoy ice-skating, helping out Bernard, and making fun of Neil as much as possible! Please, give me a shot Animanizanny! I'm back, once again. Please don't think I'm wierd(my family already does). I'm also very sorry that I dont have a photo, or a username. I hope that doesnt decrease my chances with my OC or any of my questions speaking of which-(snicker)For Bernard: Do you guys stop growing in appearance at a certain age, do you guys look like kids or teens forever? If so, do the parents of elves look like teenagers? It's a confusing subject on my part,(even though my OC is Santa's daughter). Oh! I have a qustion for Neil too! Where do you get the sweaters? They remind me of my Dad's fancy one he wears for Thanksgiving. And this is not really a question but- Curtis, I am usualy a sweetheart to everyone(I've been on the nice list since birth), but you are a fail. Mostly, I think so because of the beginning of the Santa Clause Two, you were just hanging in the sled, holding a dancing Santa. May I ask why? That whole incident could've gave anyone a migraine. I am reffering to Bernard's eye slightly twitching, because of course I notice those things, I am serious about this stuff. I am very sorry, but I have another question- Charlie, when you were little, did you have friends that didnt believe in Santa Clause? Because I do, and they're making fun of me, and telling me that I'm dillusional. How do you cope with being made fun of? I mostly think that they pick on me because I'm an eighth grader who still believes in the magic of S.C, T.F, E.B, M.N, F.T, Cupid, and yes, even you Jacky.

And finally, another one for Bernard. I can understand why you get so easily angered, I do also. I think that it's great that you try your hardest to make sure that everyone's on task, but do you have any elf friends who don't mind it? I mean nice friends, unlike mine. Yours, the always lonely, Cathie(loving this penname!) Yes, I'm back. I didnt want to, but I was forced by protective instincts. Jack Frost, I have seriously lost every ounce of respect for you! Bernard is the best, so stop picking at him! At least he actually has manners, unlike you! All I here from you is "I'm awsome" or "I am attractive" or "I dont crap icecycles", which I think you would really deserve! By the way, Bernard is way more handsomer than you, in my opinion. And I send my apolgies to Bernard, if I had put my reviews for you down in time, you would've been running the show, not Jack, you definitely dont deserve any pie in the face, or a physically impossible kick in the butt, if anyone should ever deserve that, it would be Jack or me, for I am digging my own grave just by talking sweetly about you. Animanizanny might hunt me down, she obviously loves you. All of what I have said will probably affect my googie-goodie streak(I know, no one likes one, everyone tells me that, trust me, if I could stop I would). Maybe saying that I hope Bernard recovers from his injuries by the hand of a phsycho elf will redeem me? I dont know, I just really hope Bernard is not extremely affected y the internal bleeding, because a woman in "Portals" died from it. Dont leave us Bernard! I am only reviewing because you are lacking recent ones. Jack himself needs to jump off a cliff! And Bernard, my parents say to me sometimes "If she tells you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"(I am reffering to my younger sister, know her Scott? Of course you dont, Cathie is not my real name. But it means Catherine in italian.)The obvious answer to this question is-"No, I would not jump off a cliff, because I am a rather big fan of life." It doesnt even matter if it was a dare or not! Whoever requested that has serious issues! You better be okay Bernard, you're the only person left on here that I actually find not annoying(no offense Santa and Charlie). I'm back! ZombieUnicorn15, if you want the Grocery store dare to be evil, then have Bernard work at Hannaford for the episode, and then say that he is going over to Shoprite! My dad did this, and they told him that he had ten minutes to gather his stuff, before they called security to get him out of their sight. Basicaly, they fired him before he could even resign. He flipped them off, and now he's one of the assistant store managers in training at Shoprite! And I have a question for Judy. In the first movie, you told Scott that you were seeing someone in wrapping, who was it? Because you are lucky! I havent even had a relationship that's lasted more than a few seconds(darn you Zack)! But I have a few different possibilities for boys, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Hello people! School just ended! Allelujah! :P Anyway, I had to take finals this week, and my head felt like it was going to blow up. Bernard, in the school, do the elves have to take over large tests? Like,500 questions? It hurts talking about it. Another thing, I know that some people ask you for hugs Bernard. I wont ask for one, because I always have this feeing that people think i'm wierd when I give hugs. :( I assureyou, I'm not wierd. But how do you really feel when people ask for hugs? I give them one- yeah, I'm nice like that. I'm too shy to ask you for a hug, I'm afraid that you'd get annoyed. (sigh) I'm back with important info friends, even though I know none of you, and I really doubt you go to freakin' Tamarac(if you dont, you are probably a very smart person, like me and the very few smart people in MS). There is going to be a black out on June 23, so no touchie the site. I mean, you can go on it, but people who've signed the petition for the "trashing of the stories that have sexual activity in them" probably wont. So please do not go on the site tommorrow at all. If you do not believe me, look at LoverofRumpelstiltskin's "Love works in mysterious ways" chapter5, or Zukofan2005's profile, where it will have info for where to find the petition, and if you want to sign it, go ahead and support the cause, we only need like, a thousand more people. Bernard would want you to do it! I have now gone from being the random guest Cathie, to being a member on Fanfiction! Yipee. By the way- PLEASE COME BACK! People are reviewing, along with a very rude one, if I might add. That person needs coal in their stocking. Heesh! I have a question for Bernard- "Why do you have curly hair?" My sister asked me that the other day, and I shrugged, leading to my bruised arm. I say that you're curls are very cute? Although, in retrospect, "cute" my not have been the best choice of words hmmm. I have another one for Bernard- "When people ask you for hugs, do you get annoyed?" Because I'm afraid to ask.

Everyone: O.o…..

You all have FANS! Except you Jack. She hates you.

Jack: Does it honestly look like I give a snow drift if she likes me or not?

Well let's just sort through this first before we go into all the questions and dares. Apparently we have a girl named Cathie, who changed her name to Obsessive-Gal. She has an OC that I will be putting into the next chapter(whenever or IF ever that shall happen), her OC's name is Cathie, she is hopelessly in love with Bernard. BACK OFF HE'S MINE! (hehe just kidding we can share!)

Bernard: I don't want to share! Why don't you women please just leave me alone?! I just want to get my job done. There is honestly NO attractive quality in me that I can see. Why can't you see that too?

You're just cranky because you haven't had your cocoa yet today. Now, let's get these questions out of the way. Aquette, take it away!

Aquette: Okay first question is for you Animanizanny.

Me: YAY! I got a question! I torment these people because if I didn't then I would be sitting around with nothing to do. This is far more constructive and entertaining. Now, back to you Aquette.

Aquette: Next is for Bernard. Do elves stop growing at a certain age?

Bernard: We generally stop growing at around the age that I am at now. If I were to tell you my actual age, which I would rather not, then you'd know that I'm one of the oldest elves at the pole. And as for child-bearing, there is actually an interesting process behind that. When two elves marry, they may decide to have a child. When they do decide, they must leave the north pole and go down to the human world. There, they mature to look like humans, except for the ears of course. This happens in about a span of four months or so. After which, they have their child and bring it back to the pole. Unfortunately, the parents are now mortal and not allowed to live at the pole with their elfin infant so the infant is brought to our care facilities and raised in a nurturing environment, brought back down to visit its parents when it is older.

Aquette: To speed up time, everybody just read to themselves and then answer the questions in the order asked. Sheesh this job is giving me a headache. Go!

Neil: I get some of my sweaters from my mother and I like to go bargain shopping for my others. I really love them. (hugs sweaters)

Curtis: I was listening to the dancing Santa because I needed to figure out the….mechanisms of….uh….I just liked the song okay?!

Charlie: I had friends that didn't believe. How I coped, I guess I just ignored them and went on with my life. It's not my fault that they don't feel the magic in their hearts that I did.

Bernard: I'm usually too busy for friends but I have always thought of Quinten as a good worker and a nice guy to go out for drinks with. Oh and as for the internal bleeding, I've healed alright. Elves are magical and whatnot so I'm fast to recover, which is a gift considering everything that I've been through.

Judy: Oh he's…well…..we'd like to keep it a secret if you don't mind… (blushes)

Bernard: Well elves do have finals but they're more hands-on than writing. School is for learning basic curriculum and then a lot of the trade like carpentry and needlework. It all depends on what the elf is most proficient in. And hugs? Well I guess it's okay…I don't ordinarily touch people but I don't think of it as a crime to show affections. My hair is curly I guess because my mother has curly hair. It runs in the family. And I don't mind when people ask although I'm STILL not interested in relationships. But hugs are okay.

Aquette: Alright! PHEW! Next reviewer is **ZombieUnicorn15 **who asks: Hello everyone! I'm new here, but I will absolutely start causing trouble xD Bernard: I dare you to go work in a grocery store for the rest of the episode, to see if you can handle it. Curtis, I think your awesome so, I'm going to give you a cupcake :3 Jack, go sit in a hot spa for an hour :) And one last thing, I dare mother nature and Laura to switch roles for the ep., and for Scott and Neil to switch roles Adios x)

Me again! Let me just say that I work at a grocery store and I can assure you that this the worst (and best) dare ever. Bernard's gonna hate this! YAY!

Bernard: ….why?

At the grocery store….

Random old lady: Excuse me sonny I want this cat food in a plastic bag inside of a paper bag inside of another plastic bag inside of another paper bag inside….

Bernard: ?

Random old lady: Oh and I have coupons! (dumps 5 pounds of coupons onto register)

Bernard: Um…..

ROL: Oh some of them might be expired though. Do you mind checking?

Bernard: Of course not….(gritting teeth)

ROL: Good. And I would like to pay for this all in nickels. (dumps out change purse full of nickels)

Bernard: Grrrrr…..

Curtis: Someone LIKES ME?! YAYYYY! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!(devours cupcake)

Jack: Jerk….

One hour later…

(Jack is wheeled in inside a bucket)

Bernard: (grinning) Much better. This almost makes up for the old lady!

MN: Okay. So now I'm Laura.

Charlie: Mom can you wash my jersey uniform?

Lucy: Mom can I have a pony?

Charlie: I'm hungry.

Lucy: Can you braid my hair?!

Charlie and Lucy: MOM! MOM! MOM!

MN: This may be a bit harder than I assumed…

Laura: So now I'm Mother Nature…

(World explodes)

Laura: But all I did was SNEEZE!

Neil: Great now I'm fat!

Scott: At least you have better fashion sense now. I look like a circus clown threw up on my sweater.

Aquette: (laughing) O-okay the next is from ZombieUnicorn15 again who asks: Oh, and one last tiny thing! May I have a hug Bernard? :3 Hasta La Vista! :D

Bernard: After you made me work at the grocery store?! Well…..you did melt Frost so I guess I owe you. Sure I'll hug you. (goes into human world, finds ZombieUnicorn15, and hugs her)

Aquette: Okay…. The next is from **TheSilvertonguedSherlockian **who asks: Hi! Me again! As usual, this last "episode" was as amazing and funny as ever! But before I start with my questions and dares, Bernard: I am so sorry if my question got you hurt! Are you ok? I certainly hope so. Anyway, now for the q's and d's. My first question is for Curtis. How do you like wearing a dress? It certainly looks hilarious, so you're making everyone happy. After all, they say laughter is good for you! My second q is for Judy. For someone like me who doesn't like whipped cream, is there anything else to garnish cocoa that would make it just as fabulous? And to close, I have one last, deviously amazing dare. Jack, I dare you to sit in a steam room for an hour with a winter coat on. *laughs* Well, that's all from me for now!

Bernard: Oh I'm fine. Thank you for your concern.

Curtis: I found the dress to be both humiliating and surprisingly comfortable.

Judy: Oh let me get my cookbook! (pulls out cookbook) Well I'm sure you've considered marshmallows. What I've found to be a delicious treat is stirring in a bit of maple syrup and sprinkling brown sugar on top. It gives the cocoa a very sweet taste if you're up for the challenge. You have to add just enough though so the sugar isn't over powered by the chocolate. I hope you enjoy!

Jack: I just refroze myself! Are you *** kidding me?! (storms into steam room)

Bernard: (laughing) I'll give you a hug too if you want!

Aquette: And the last is from **peaceluv26** who says: i dont get it

Well, I'm gonna assume that you don't understand the fic. In short, this is a very fun and moderately stupid way for people to have a good time and for characters to be tormented or just able to answer some really cool questions. Thanks for the review though.

Well that's all for today. Thanks again for all of the wonderful reviews and if I don't update again, I'd just like to say that you have all been wonderful and fun and I've never enjoyed writing a fic more than this one. The fic is only as good as the people who helped make it and every single one of you is responsible for all the fun laughs and "Christmas good cheer" that have gone into all of this. For that, I give you all great big hugs and Christmas cookies. Thank you so very much!


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